Showing posts with label Gross. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gross. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Wednesday Wackiness?

It's been a while since I've posted anything. Maybe I'll fill the gaps soon. Maybe I won't. Been traveling. Been caring for the family. Been working. The usual. More to follow eventually when I get around to it. In the meantime, have some random humor.


Personally, I think this is overkill. I'll just great him at the door with a Marlin 1895 in .45-70 and a 1911 in .45. That should get the point across nicely.


Took a quick work road trip yesterday, and The Queen and M&M went with. M&M forgot to bring things to occupy her time and discovered the joys of watching the scenery pass by. She was less than amused.





Without Google, without Wikipedia, without cell phones, without computers for the most part. I started college with an electric typewriter.



AMEN!








This is far too subtle. You need to be close. Close enough for him to hear the sound of your bowie knife on the whetstone.


Chances are good they have experience.




Mexican Machiattos from Yummy's Cafe on South Padre Island are just dark enough for me to plan...nevermind.


Never...ever...THINK  about doing this to a redhead. You'll die. Your soul will be tortured. Your memory will be deep fried in a vat of liquified body parts....



You will never, ever, look at a bowl of dip the same again.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

People Are Nasty

I have made an observation about people in general that will come as no surprise to some (probably most) of you.

People are nasty (hence...the title of this post).

Case on point.

Y'all remember the photos of the piles (nee pile) of garbage on the curb that I posted the other day, right? Well, since the garbage company would not pick up Pile o' Crap 1.0 on our regular trash day last Thursday thus leading to me spending a fun filled Thursday night creating Piles o' Crap 2.0 (bagged trash), 3.0 (flattened cardboard), 4.0 (flattened cardboard), 5.0 (bagged trash), and 6.0 (recyclable items).

Well, between Thursday and our next regularly scheduled trash day on Monday, it looked like a pack of lions and tigers and bears oh my had rummaged through my once neatly organized dump.

As you will recall, this was all garbage that had been defiled by rodents. Visibly and unmistakably ruined with filth that would probably gag a maggot.

Grandma's old hard side Samsonite luggage? Gone.

Old coffee/espresso maker? Bye bye.

Whole bags of rodent ruined clothing? Outta there.

People would tear open the garbage bags to see if there was anything they wanted to take and then left it there to be strewn around the neighborhood. I had half a mind to sit in the picture window with my shotgun, but it wasn't worth it.

Fortunately, the garbage company took it all (at least what was left) away on Monday.

Friday, June 6, 2014

The Purge Has Begun

Let me preface this post by stating, for the record, I love my inlaws. I really do. I could have done a LOT worse in the inlaw department. They are very kind, faithful people who are easy to get along with.

They are also hoarders.

Now, let me back up the story a bit to give you the full effect.

Around about the end of 2003 when I was preparing to propose to The Queen, The Queen Mum's Mum (who was in her 80s at the time) was living by herself in a modest apartment in California. She was also beginning to have some health problems which was impacting her ability to care for herself. We received calls from the people in her church who were concerned and weren't sure the family was aware.

We weren't.

Discussions were had, and a plot was hatched to kidnap Grandma. She had already been planning to come to Texas to visit the family for Thanksgiving. Little did she know, she would not be going back to California. I proposed to The Queen (making her The Queen To Be at the time) shortly after Thanksgiving, and The Queen To Be made it clear she wanted her Grandma at the wedding.

Okay. Can do.

A wedding was planned in under 4 weeks. I use the term "planned" in loosest sense of the word. Most of our planning consisted of telling our friends "Handle it."

They did. Did I mention we have awesome friends?

Meanwhile, back in California, the church folks were coordinating with my inlaws the packing and loading of Grandma's worldly possessions (all of them) for moving to Texas. Grandma had been "convinced" to stay with us in Texas after the wedding. And by "convinced", I mean my inlaws told her she was in no shape to go home and was staying and that was that. Other people in the family have other ideas about what happened. They would be misinformed. So, shhhh...no talking.

As you might expect, things that should have been disposed of in California were instead boxed up and loaded along with everything else. The vast majority of those items are still in the same boxes they were packed in to this day.

Now, at the time of the Royal Wedding, the then proto Daddy Hawk was living in a modest 1200 square foot house with a two car garage. One side of the garage held a 1973 Datsun 240Z project that never got off the ground. The other side held a motorcycle and other stuff bachelors accumulate. To this disorganized mess was added a significant portion of Grandma's possessions the remainder of which were stored elsewhere. These possessions made the move with The Queen and I when we purchased the Castle in July 2004.

This state of affairs continued until October 2004. That was when the inlaws including Grandma moved in with us. This was necessitated by the sale of The Queen's pre-marital bacherlotte pad (a nice one bedroom condo) which was taken over by the inlaws after the ink was dry on the marriage certificate.

Now, picture for a moment, the Castle in all its glory. 2230 square feet of living space and the EPIC 1600 square foot man cave/workshop not including the "chicken coop" which is another 300 to 400 square feet of storage (in the "there's a roof...sort of" kind of way). It was a spacious palace to The Queen and I with more room than our respective pre-marriage abodes combined.

Now, picture for a moment, not one, not two, not even three, but four (FOUR!!!...mine, The Queen's, The Inlaws' and Grandma's) households worth of stuff being crammed into every nook and cranny available.

My shop, where I had great plans of building things (especially an airplane), was full. Not just full mind you but "stuffed to the gills with somewhat passable paths through the stacks" full. To make matters worse (from my perspective at least), no thought was given by those responsible nor input sought from me as to how things should be stored.

As you might imagine, this has been a sore spot for me for a long time now.

As a result, I have largely stayed out of the shop since. The rats; however, have made themselves right at home. Which, inevitably, led to the vast majority of the items in the shops being destroyed in one manner or another.

So, the sale of the house has finally led to necessity becoming the mother of disposal. Acquiescence was obtained, and this was the initial result:


That's roughly 20 to 25 feet in length, 4 to 5 feet high at the tallest and 5 to 6 feet wide at the widest. Most of it is covered in rat excretions.

Apparently, that was NOT acceptable to the trash service. They allowed as how all debris has to be in bags not to exceed 50 pounds and all boxes have to be broken down for recycling. So, guess what I did last night for three hours. That became this:






The cardboard boxes are being held down by boxes full of recyclables lest we pollinate the neighborhood with cardboard descecrated by rodents. It was interesting, however, to see some of the things that were boxed up. The empty glass juice jars were a little odd. The potato peeler in the middle of a box of sweaters (that were long out of style when they were boxed) was definitely note worthy. Phone books. Old junk mail. Electronics that were obsolete when they were boxed up. Broken glass. The meat clever in the box with the spices was a nice touch.

We did find a box full of old baseball cards. Maybe there's a Mickey Mantle or Babe Ruth rookie card in there, and I won't have to work anymore.

I will say this though...it was very cathartic to dispose of all this despite the risk of vermin borne disease (yes, mask and gloves were used; and, yes, I took a long, hot shower after I was done). The scary part is that there is still stuff in the shop and the house to be dealt with.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

EWWWW...Gross

I'm sitting in the last presentation of our meetings right now. It's just before lunch, and the topic is "Wound Care". The presenter is a medical doctor that consults with our company. I think he is getting even with some folks who made comments last year about "just put a bandaid on it" because we just saw video of a procedure to drain an impressively infected abscess. 

The abscess drained for a least 30 seconds straight with a half inch wide stream of puss. This after several images of some really nasty wounds. 

And, with that mental image, dId I mention I no longer have a filter when it comes to gruesome?