Tuesday, October 8, 2019

Kitten Naming




It didn't take long for the new fuzzball to settle in to stay. Meet Ozzy Clawsbourne - resident purr machine and shoulder warmer.

Monday, October 7, 2019

Further Adventures in Car Repair

There is a running joke in car repair shops that you can have 2 out of the following 3 types of repairs: cheap repairs, good repairs or fast repairs. I've also seen it written as cheap and fast equals not good. Good and fast equals not cheap. Cheap and good equals not fast. One last quote from the original Mad max movie: "Like the sign says: Speed is just a question of how much money you want to spend."

Today, it meant deciding to rip out $250 worth of new parts that I might not be able to sell or get refunded and spending $375 on different parts to avoid spending over $500 on another other set of new parts.

Confused?

Yeah. Me too.

It all started with the air spring suspension on The Queen's Chariot deciding 250,000 miles was quite far enough thank you very much about a month or two ago. The air spring suspension in the Lincoln Navigator is a marvel of modern engineering, and it's also bloody expensive. The system has several key components which all must work in concert to keep the ride smooth and comfy. The heart of the system is an air compressor mounted below the passenger side headlight. That compressor pumps air through a surprisingly small plastic hose to the rear air spring solenoids (one on each side) when the ride height sensors (again, one on each side) tells the vehicle body module computer that something is amiss. If any one of those items takes a dirt nap, your paid for Lincoln Navigator / Ford Expedition is suddenly a low rider which bounces at the slightest provocation.

So, a couple of months ago after a minor blood letting to replace the radiator in The Chariot, The Queen is following me in another vehicle and says: "Did you know my car is leaning heavily to the left?"

Um...no. I did not.

Over the next several days and weeks, The Chariot's suspension issues had steadily gotten worse to the point that the entire rear end would squat when the ignition was turned off. So, I turned my Google Fu on, and I came to the conclusion that the rear air springs had finally given up the ghost and were no longer capable of hold air.

For those who have no experience with air ride suspensions, the air springs are basically thick rubber air bags (think of it as a thick rubber sleeve/cushion that is mounted around a strut) which may or may not be surrounded by a metal case which connect up to an air line and solenoid. Air comes into  the bag, inflates and magic happens resulting good feelings.

Well, you've all seen what happens to a tire after it's been out in the weather for several years. The rubber starts to dry out, and little cracks start to appear. Eventually, air starts to leak out before finally not being able to hold any air at all. All the while, your air compressor that feeds the bags is working harder and longer to supply air, and the solenoids are getting clogged with water, rust and particulates from the air that's compressed but not filtered into lines.

So, roughly $250 and a week or so waiting on shipping later, I had me a set of replacement air springs. Several YouTube tutorials later (unfortunately, not including the one that shows you close up how to do several key steps which I just found today). and I gamely made my first attempt at replacing said air springs.

It took most of a Sunday and a little bit of heat exhaustion, but I got the old ones out and the new ones in. I turned on the system expecting great things to take place (or at least inflation of two air springs).

What happened? Not a thing. Nothing. Zip. Nada. Bupkiss.

Running short on time, The Queen prevailed upon me to take The Chariot to a local mechanic we recently became acquainted with for the purpose of diagnosing the problem. $100 later, said mechanic assured me that the air compressor and solenoids were working, and the air springs must be defective.

Okay. Fine. Not what I wanted to hear, but what are you going to do? So, I reached out to the manufacturer; and, in short order, I had a new set of air springs on the way (ground shipping sucks when you are in a hurry).  Eventually, the replacement replacement air springs arrived and The Chariot went back to the mechanic to install them.

I dropped The Chariot off on a Friday so he could work on it over the weekend and told him to let me know when it was ready. Monday - no call. Tuesday - no call. Wednesday - finally got a call...that he could not fix it and could I come back to the shop and pick it up.

[Insert long string of your favorite colorful expletives here]

I'm not going to complain too much. He didn't charge me anything since he was unsuccessful in fixing it, and he was honest about the fact that he doesn't deal with air spring suspensions enough to know what's wrong. I went and picked up The Chariot, and fired up the Bat Signal for my cousin Vinny (not his real name), the mechanic turned engineer, to come out and take a look. He had me do some diagnostics until he could find time in his schedule which got us no closer to a solution, unfortunately.

He was finally able to make it by the house today, and we got down to business of doing our best to sort out the problem.

Discovery number 1: the rear air spring solenoids were completely plugged up with rust and schmutz and other assorted crap. We made an attempt to locate replacement solenoids, but we struck out. There were no solenoids to be found for The Queen's vehicle in stock anywhere in the greater DFW area for less than $200 (each) [I'm not spending $400 just to try and figure out if they are the only problem].

Discovery number 2: Punching a hole through a clogged air solenoid will allow it to function temporarily long enough to figure out that your skin flint cheap bastard ways were right not to buy $400+ worth of shiny new solenoids because the air bags were still not inflating.

[Insert more expletives of your choice]

Discovery number 3: The only other possible cause of the (continued) problem is that the air compressor is just flat worn out. Guess who is not spending upwards of $200 to get a new compressor to see if he's right? Yep, this guy.

Discovery number 4: There exists, for just such occasions, an air spring to coil over strut conversion kit that eliminates the guess work and produces allegedly similar ride quality. The cheapest kits do not include a gizmo that bypasses all the electronics that annoy the carp out of you with warnings and threats to check the air suspension. The kit I chose includes a bypass module that it supposed to take care of that problem without resorting to reprogramming the computer. It normally costs about $450 to $500 plus tax. I found a deal on Amazon for $375 with tax and shipping included.

Sold.

In hindsight, I probably should have gone with the conversion kit in the first place. The Queen and I had discussed the options and decided to try and fix the existing system. I don't think it was the wrong decision at the time, but it definitely did not turn out to the right choice in the end. Sometimes you just have to admit defeat and go a different direction even if it means losing a little money.

Friday, October 4, 2019

Friday Funnies

I have a simple arrangement with spiders. They can hang out in the corner and kill bugs all they want. Crawling on me is right out.

You could consider this my vote of no confidence in the current crop of Congress Critters.


This is just savage...I like it.

Admit it...you heard the music too.





This is actually true. Lack of rain and high temps turns Texas dirt into hard pan concrete. 



I will have to remember this in about 10 years. 


Thursday, October 3, 2019

2020 Primary Season

I haven't been following politics as much as I once did. The reason is equal parts disgust with the mockery that has been made of "civil discourse" on both sides of the aisle and distrust of the press to truthfully report the news without bias or spin. I have a hard time listening to what passes for news anymore. When I do make the effort, I'm cynical and skeptical enough that I have to read several sources and average it out to get a sense of what might really be happening.

I have not yet been able to muster up enough flying flips to watch any of the Democrat Party primary debates so far. From what I have been able to gather from reading the morning after recaps, they have been a big waste of time and money thus far. The sad fact of the matter is that no one actually debates anymore. Not that you can really have a debate with 10 or 20 people on the stage. With that many "contestants", there is no time to really conduct a proper debate under those circumstances even if they had the desire and skills to do so. It would take over an hour to get through a proper statement, response and rebuttal type debate for just one question with that many participants. Not that any of  the candidates cares to do such a debate. They seem to be content to talk in circles and sound bites dodging whatever question or topic while claiming to be "perfectly clear" about the topic at hand.

With the New Hampshire Primaries just four short months away, I thought I would go out on a limb and get my predictions in early for the likely opponents in the big show next November.

For the Republicans, this is a no brainer. Incumbent President Trump has no serious contenders waiting in the wings to unseat him as the GOP standard bearer for 2020. Of the currently declared candidates, John Kasich probably has the best chance of any of them by which I mean none. The current impeachment inquiry drum beating trying to stick Joe Biden's dirty laundry on Trump is pretty pathetic even by the standards of the Democratic Party for the last couple of years. My prediction is that the Democrat controlled House of Representatives drags out the impeachment inquiry until November in hopes of keeping Trump on his heals. Trump, being Trump, will continue to do what he does best and use every opportunity to make his opponents look like bumbling incompetents.

For the Democrats, the three ring circus isn't nearly as up for grabs this time as one would expect without Hillary Clinton in the mix. From what I can tell, this is really a 3 maybe 4 person race with Joe Biden leading the polls followed by Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders polling better than 10% depending on who is doing the stats. None of the other currently announced candidates are polling well enough or have the fundraising ability to stay in the race for long even assuming they stay in until February.

Creepy Uncle Joe, for all his faults and dirty laundry, is, for want of a better option, the front runner here. To moderate Democrats, Biden is "safe" for certain values of safe. He is not an ultra liberal nutcase; and, having been in political office for the majority of his life, he knows who is who and how to make deals in the swamp (which, let's face it, can't be drained to the extent it needs to be). No one in flyover country will ever leave Joe alone in the same room as their daughters, but he can also be counted on not to go full retard. Yes, he will engage in pay for play antics and generally do whatever he can to advance the interests of his donors and the party over what is good for the country as a whole, but he's not likely to honeymoon in Moscow or Havana either.

That brings us to Bernie Sanders. If Joe Biden is the creepy uncle everyone tolerates, Bernie is the crazy uncle to whom no one admits being related. That is not to say that Bernie isn't a contender this go round. Quite the opposite. The Bern is most popular with a certain demographic which just happens to be reaching ascendancy as the majority of the working and voting population: Millenials. Boomers, Xers and Yers underestimate this demographic shift at their peril, and it is no coincidence that the Liberal wing of the Democratic Party has spent the last 40 years with a death grip on public and higher education for the sole purpose of shaping entire generations to achieve their agenda. To them, Bernie is their ideological hero who shook the pillars under Queen Hillary's throne before discovering that the game was rigged. Unfortunately, recent reports have him taking a break from campaigning because of health issues.

Elizabeth Warren is competing with Sanders for the liberal wing of the party and, based on current polls, has a credible chance of upsetting Biden at the convention. That said, she's no Hillary and does not have what it takes to be the first woman president.

That, in my opinion and absent an as yet unannounced dark horse candidate, brings it back to the "safe" choice for the donors and moderates. Unless the Ukraine deal rears its ugly head and bites Uncle Joe in the naughty bits,  I see a Trump vs. Biden match up in November.

What says the peanut gallery?

Monday, September 30, 2019

Animal Magnetism

Several months ago, I related the tale of rescuing a cat from the center median of an interstate highway. In that post, I mentioned The Queen's gift/curse relating to animals in distress. I am convinced that The Queen puts off a pheromone or the psychic equivalent of the bat signal for animals in distress. It doesn't matter what part of the animal kingdom is involved, they seem to have a knack for finding The Queen. So far, the list of animals she has assisted includes multiple varieties of birds, cats and dogs, snakes, bunnies, turtles and more.

Well, Friday night it happened again. 

The Queen, M&M and I went out for dinner and dessert in Fort Worth. Dessert was at the Food Hall at Crockett Row in the West 7TH area of  Fort Worth. This is one of those multiple use shopping/dining/residential/entertainment developments with mid-rise apartments built above the commercial lease spaces on the ground floors. There is both garage parking and street level parking available. This particular evening, we chose the street level parking. 

We had a lovely dessert of cupcakes from Gigi's Cupcakes in the Food Hall, and we had just gotten back to our car when The Queen heard the faintest of "mews". We all turned around to see this tiny little half starved kitten running up to us with that "Hey buddy, could you spare food?" look. 

You see where this is going I'm sure. 

We spent about an hour out there on the street taking turns petting him, looking for possible places he could have come from (none were apparent - apartments above, parking garage below and across the street), finding him some food to eat (he tore up a small bowl of chicken shawarma and some cream), discussing the insanity of bringing little fuzzball to the menagerie, etc. 

We eventually decided that there was no momma kitty or siblings nearby nor any likely place where he could call home. So, we picked him up and headed to the car. He road home like he was a pro at riding in cars. No freaking out. No crying. Just curled up and purred contentedly. 



He bears a striking resemblance to my beloved and dearly departed cat Sneaker. He talks a lot and purrs almost non-stop. He's been attacking my hands and feet while I've been writing this. We haven't decided on a name yet, but we have several contenders. 

M&M wanted to name him Kung Pao. That was a hard no for The Queen and I. Snickerdoodle was an early suggestion/rejection. Earl Grey was given the boot. Friday was discussed, but died for lack of  enthusiasm. Iggy, Igor and Ozzy (Clawsborne) are the current leading candidates. We shall see what sticks as his personality comes out.  

Friday, September 20, 2019

You've Never Really Lived...

...until you've vacuumed your back yard.

I know it sounds like a really messed up punishment you'd give a kid for some epic screw up, but this really happened recently.

You see, several years ago, The Queen convinced me we needed patio furniture. Pro tip to all: patio furniture should be made out of dimensional lumber. Anything else is a waste of money. Case on point to follow.

The Queen, being a serious shopper when she sets her mind to it, found a listing on Craigslist for a little out of the way shop that had a set up patio furniture for sale for a stupid low price. If you've ever priced patio furniture at a big box store, you know dropping a kilo buck is not uncommon for "decent" patio furniture. I forget the exact price, but I think it was sub $500. This is almost Guido "It Fell Off The Truck" territory, but we checked the place out and it was legit.

Any deal, one of the selling points for The Queen regarding this particular set of patio furniture was that the table had a glass top. Pro Tip Numero Dos: Never, EVER, buy a glass top patio table in North Texas (where hail storms with baseball or larger hail are a regular thing). Luckily, for me at least, this set of patio furniture managed to dodge several hail storms and even one tornado. Unfortunately, time and weather had not been kind to this set of furniture. Texas heat is brutal, rain rusts metal, things break and get lost...you get the picture.

So, after about a decade of service, we put the patio furniture aside for eventual disposal and/or repurposing.

Well, along came the dogs. Two dogs who'd never met a free range bunny in the backyard before. They really wanted to get to know Taco a lot better. Taco was less than thrilled with that idea.

So, The Queen decreed that a barrier must be erected to separate Taco and the pups. A trip to Home Depot and the parting of  $80 to$100 of my cash later, and we had a barrier. Of sorts. The dogs, managed to defeat my best efforts at fencing on a distressingly regular basis. Part of the problem was that we had to have a gate to allow access to the Taco side of the fence. This was the weakness that the dogs exploited. The Queen had a light bulb moment, and the table top from the patio furniture was pressed into service as a sliding gate supplement.

It did not end well.

Roughly 3' x 7' of shattered glass
One fine summer day, the weather turned nasty in a hurry with winds blowing storms in toot sweet. That lovely slab of glass patio table top toppled over and immediately fragmented into about a million little pieces of super sharp silicon.

Well, I needed an excuse to by a shop vac. I just never guessed it would be to vacuum the yard.



Thursday, September 19, 2019

How to Offend a Snowflake

Honestly, I didn't set out to offend anyone. Really. I have very little trouble getting along with people. In hindsight, I should have expected what happened given the forum. Like a lot of people, I have a personal Facebook page. Facebook , in their infinite wisdom, has labeled me extremely conservative which I find a tad presumptuous that they would assume my political leanings based on my postings. Apparently, they find no irony in hypocrisy. But, whatever.

Anywho, around about a couple of months ago, we were out for a family outing, and I saw something that I found amusing and posted same to The Book of Feces. Said post was as follows:

"Just saw a woman wearing a “Notorious RBG” (Ruth Bader Ginsberg) t-shirt. I never noticed until now that RBG bears a striking resemblance to Don Knotts."

The t-shirt in question was more or less this one:



For comparison, here is a photo of Don Knotts:



Boy howdy, I didn't expect this in response:

"Wow. I hope when I'm judge in my old age, people look at my loving treatment of  my family, my exceptional education, my contribution to my work groups, and not my looks (even though I do take very good care of myself physically and aesthetically). So fun being judged! In Christian tradition I thought this was frowned upon?"

Um....okay. This person is someone I went to high school with; and, to be honest, I cannot recall ever having a class with her or knowing her back then. I (foolishly, in retrospect) accepted her friend request when I got connected up with my 30 year high school reunion Facebook page. She lives in either Denver or Boulder Colorado, is pretty proud of her looks from the number of selfies she posts and hates Trump. You can safely assume her political leanings. I won't be offended.

And, now for the rest of the story.

My response:

"I’m not sure what about my post gave you the impression that I was in any way judging RBG or overlooking her accomplishments, education, etc. However, nothing could be further from the truth. While I disagree with her politically, I said nothing negative or judgmental about her. Further, I fail to see how commenting that one person bears a resemblance to another person is judgmental or critical or unchristian. If I had said that she resembled someone or something and then stated a negative connotation with that statement, then I could see you inference having some validity. As it is, you have judged me based on an assumption that you made that I was somehow implying a resemblance to Don Knotts was somehow a negative reflection on RBG. So, go put your stones away and go have a look in the mirror for the log in your own eye."

Her retort:

"Then what do you gain by posting a hilarious and derogatory comparison if not to be judging?"

My Rebuttal and Final Word:

"Why do you judge me by assuming that I’m making a hilarious and derogatory comparison? Did I say that the resemblance was hilarious? No. Did I say that the resemblance was in any way derogatory? No. Did I say anything Judgmental AT ALL about RBG? Not one word. That is all you reading something into two sentences worth of text.

The truth of the matter is that my father-in-law has watched The Andy Griffith Show every night for the last two years, and my wife, daughter and I watched The Incredible Mr. Limpet the other day. Both of which have Don Knotts in prominent roles. When I saw the t-shirt, I thought the face belonged to Don Knotts, and it was only after I figured out what the words on the T-shirt said from a distance of 20 feet away that I realized it was a picture of RBG. So, pardon me for sharing an innocent observation."

She chose to shut up after that. Surprisingly, she didn't unfriend me either.