Sunday, April 30, 2017

The Long Lost Adoption Day Photos

Once upon a time, in the fair city of Fort Worth, TX, a certain couple adopted a truly special child. The husband and newly minted father had made arrangements with his best friend who was into photography to take photos at a nearby park to commemorate the momentous occasion. Said photos were uploaded to website.

Now, the intrepid husband and father, being a liberal arts major and more or less non-technical had great difficulty getting said photos to download. Time and circumstance intervened; and, lo and behold, the photos didn't get downloaded, the website was taken down, and things were forgotten for a time.

Recently, our husband and father has been able to spend some time in reflective thought, and a vague memory of photos unobtained surfaced. Phone calls were made. Emails were sent, and...voila...photos are now in a certain father's possession. Much thanks to improvements in email efficiency and a friend who is both tech savvy and a data hoarder.

So, without further adieu, here are the best of the long lost adoption day photos from 2013.

This is my personal favorite. Love the lighting and the special ladies.

I can't recall for sure, but I think M&M borrowed the ball from a little boy at the park.





Friday, March 24, 2017

Friday Funnies










The Pastor’s Ass

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in another race, and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the ad lines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery, even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll be a lot happier and live longer!

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

More Advice for M&M

1. “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

Sadly, after almost 50 years, the pendulum has swung to the other extreme in which all white people are presumed to be racist simply because they are white.

2. “Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still.” Dale Carnegie

You never win an argument even if you are "right".

3. "The world is made for average sized people." - Daddy Hawk

Short people and tall people alike are forced to deal with a world that was not designed with them in mind. I have had three concussions that bear witness to this simple truth.

4. "Beware the man driving an old, beat up, pickup truck." - Daddy Hawk

Odds are close to even money that he's not afraid to put another dent in the truck if you drive like a jerk.

Corollary to 4. Right of way is something you yield, not something you take.

5. “No man’s life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.” – Mark Twain

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Do Yourself a Favor (A Health Insurance Rant)...

DO NOT EVER, EVVVVERRRRR, request an online quote for heath insurance from Agile Health Insurance or their Go Health website.

They claim they will not sell your information or release you private information. "Your trust is our highest priority. We will never sell your information; we will keep your information secured; and we will disclose it only as allowed by the law and this Privacy Policy. - See more at: https://www.agilehealthinsurance.com/privacy#sthash.xSDANrKM.dpuf"

HAH!!!

Within minutes, literally, of inputting my basic information into the website for an online health insurance quote that is supposedly compliant with the "Affordable" Care Act, I began to be inundated with phone calls from friendly, licensed agents. 19 calls in four hours. One poor sod called 3 times in 15 minutes. I say poor sod because the poor lady that was stuck with me after the cheerful telemarketer on the other end of the auto dialer transferred me got a bit of an attitude and an earful from me. I received calls from no less than 4 agents from the same stinking company.

I received emails.

I received texts.

I'm half expecting a pony express rider to show up on my door step in a few minutes with an urgent message about my frickin' health insurance coverage.

The agent who hit the trifecta by calling, emailing AND texting, got a nasty gram in response in which I told him to lose my information. I didn't say "or else", but the threat of dire consequences was implied by my tone. He responded that he doesn't like the way these companies sell information either and that I ought to sue the company that sold my information. I recommended he, as an agent dealing with that company, should give the head of marketing the same treatment I got and see how they like it. I might have suggested a thorough reaming of an orifice or possibly creation of a new one.

I would have suggested a tabasco enema with a chainsaw chaser, but I'm trying to cut back on my daily expressions of sarcasm.

Now, I know these are people trying to earn a living, and the ACA has not made their lives any easier. Not only that, I can half way respect the agents with enough humanity left to actually dial the phones themselves and leave a message. But I will NOT answer a call from a number I do not recognize, nor will I return a call to a number that does not have a real, live human being leaving a message.

If I can find the call center where the robo-dialer that auto dialed me 3 times in 15 minutes is located, I'm taking a sledge hammer to the server, pouring gasoline on the remains, watching it burn, salting the earth around it, and erecting a massive robot with a flaming sword and strict programming to destroy anything that comes within the property boundaries to prevent anyone from rebuilding on that site.

Ever.

I ought to go back on the site and input my congressman's information just for giggles. That ought to take care of the problem.