Activity Does Not Equal Achievement*

*John Wooden

So far, I've put in for 14 jobs that are within the ballpark of possibilities (and a couple that were stretches). I have my resume out to a couple of other folks in my network that have connections that might help. I've had two, unfruitful interviews and two rejection letters. There are two other jobs in the hopper that I need to apply for tonight.

I will say this though, I really appreciate companies that streamline the application process. Allowing a person to use their LinkedIn profile to apply makes life easier and quicker for everyone involved. Forcing someone at a senior level to fill out an employment application that contains the exact same information as your resume, however, is stupid.

If I could get away with it, I'd chuck it all and go be a gunsmith or welder.

Spent the day at the zoo with The Queen and M&M. Some thoughts:

The Queen is a genius for bringing gel cold packs that fit under my baseball cap and kept my head cool.

Fat women should not wear yoga pants. It's a crime against humanity.

M&M is a delight at the zoo. Standing at the zebra enclosure: "Why won't they come closer? I want to pet them." She wanted to get in the pens more than once. One of these days, there will be a news story of a cute little girl riding a zebra at the zoo. Just wait. It's coming.

If you have a brood of kids hanging off of you or in your arms, get off the stupid cell phone.

Healing In Progress

As you might imagine, I had a less than restful night last night. I was emotionally and physically wiped out by the time things finally wound down here at around midnight. The poor Queen was in at least as sorry shape as I emotionally. The news hit her especially hard, and poor M&M was getting concerned too since there was a lot of heavy emotion floating around the cause of which she could not fathom. She and I wound up sacked out on a recliner together for mutual comfort until retiring to the bedroom to join The Queen in bed at some unknown hour. M&M was sound asleep when I got up, but she refused to let go. So, I simply took my little clingy monkey with me.

I woke up this morning at 7:30 AM whether I liked it or not (I didn't), and there was no going back to bed. Even if I could have gotten to back sleep, I had a headache and a powerful need to do SOMETHING. So, I fired up the computer and began by responding to some of the emails and Facebook messages that I received. I started updating my resume and got it circulated to several people for a variety of reasons (kymber, I look forward to your thoughts).

I thought I would take a moment to share some of my thoughts on the whole situation as well as some of the blessings I've been counting.

First, despite the passage of 24 hours+ since the axe fell, I still have no better insight into why this happened. I doubt I ever will. I'm still convinced that the reason I was given was not the "real" reason; but, since Texas is a right to work state, they don't have to give me a reason.  I have been in contact with some of my business associates that I've worked closely with over the last two and a half years. Universally, they were supportive and as shocked as I was. No one thus far has had a negative thing to say about my performance or skills which is a relief frankly. The Queen and I have our suspicions as to the reason why, but suspicions is all they are and will forever remain so. I have no interest in confirming those suspicions as it would serve no purpose beyond a small bit of closure. They have chosen to proceed without me, and I have to be content that they thought that was the best course of action for them.

I did get a little bit of appreciation from them today. I realized today that I had an Apple TV that had been bought by the company for use in presentations still in my possession at home. I emailed my former boss and the HR Director to ask them what they wanted me to do with. I was advised to keep it with a note of appreciation for my honesty. Every little bit helps I guess.

One very big blessing in all this is that we do not have a mortgage hanging over our heads like the sword of Damocles. The inlaws and my family have been very supportive. We have a roof over our heads as long as we need it. That is a relief beyond measure; and, I believe, a blessing from God that the house sold before this happened.

I kinda wish He had told me to wait on buying the new car though.

I have been blessed to receive offers of help from many of you as well as others. It's very reassuring to have people willing to go to bat for you when you've been kicked this hard. Having a professional contact you respect tell you that you're well liked and know what you're doing is very comforting when you've been cast aside.

I no longer feel the need to puke, and I haven't cried since this morning. So, that's progress.

The Queen, M&M and I spent some time this afternoon at the lake enjoying the water and sun together. That was very nice. I was even able to forget my situation for a short time. M&M and I had great fun splashing in the water. She can't swim yet, but she loves to be in the water and getting confident in allowing her head to go underwater.

I've been searching through job postings, and I've seen some that interest me and a couple that look like they were written for me. I will be applying for them over the next several days. Hopefully, something will come of that. In the meantime, I'm working my contacts and networking as much as I can.

Yesterday hurt pretty bad.  Before I gave up the company phone, I sent The Queen a text to let her know what was going on as we were supposed to meet for dinner near the airport for a quick meal before I had to fly out on business. As I was cleaning out my desk under the watchful eye of the HR director, she kept calling me on my office phone trying to get a hold of me. I told HR that I was answering a call from my wife and had to tell The Queen a couple of times that I couldn't talk before finally having to hang up. It was all I could do to keep from completely falling apart on the phone, as I boxed up my accumulated stuff and on my way out the door. Even at that, I know I left several items behind for them to ship to me. It was a long two hour drive home. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done to pull into the driveway and face my wife who loves me and relies on me to provide for her and our daughter. I wanted to be anywhere else. Seeing the heartbreak on her face when I finally made it home, not directed at me but at the situation, and hearing the pain in her voice cut deep. I will be forever grateful to her for the love and support she gave me through her own hurt.

I wish I could report that I'm over it, that I'm all smiles and laughter. That would be complete and utter fertilizer. The healing has begun, but it is far from over.

Thanks again to all of you who read here and especially those who took the time to comment or email. Your friendship is very much appreciated.

Kill Me Now...

So, yesterday was my second official Father's Day. It was a day filled with hard labor in the hot sun, and I am paying the price today.

The Queen had decreed that we should go ahead and get the antiques moved to storage. As a result, I woke up yesterday and picked up a 16 foot rental truck. Best friend Number One Follower arrived a little after 10:00 AM followed shortly thereafter by the youngest nephew Baby Huey (that's what his mother calls him...so, I'm going with that).

What followed was several hours of championship level 3D Tetris in high 90 degree temps involving old wood and glass including a piano, first into the truck and later into an elevator to get to the third floor storage unit. The saving grace of the day was a steady, cool breeze that felt great on sweat soaked shirts.

After 9 hours in the sun, I'm completely soaked, smell like a goat and have no critical reasoning skills left.

The end result was this:

10' x 15' storage unit with space left for boxes. The Queen vetoed my bonfire suggestion

The Queen promises me that she will locate someone to appraise this clusterstuff as a prelude to an estate sale. We just don't have time for it right now.

By the time we got done, I was overdue returning the truck, I was literally and figuratively baked, I was having trouble thinking and moving was an ordeal. As I asked NOF, when the Hell did I become an old fart? Fortunately, NOF married himself up in life. His new bride K3 was very thoughtful and brought a couple of rotisserie chickens, veggies, taters and fruit relieving me from the need to figure out what to do about dinner. After dinner, I filled the tub and soaked for a good solid hour following which I stretched out on the bed and started watching Longmire on Netflix.

Waking up this morning was an exercise in torture. Moving is optional at this point.

The good news is that The Queen has promised to make up Father's Day for me after the move is done. I thanked her profusely and told her that wasn't necessary, but she is insistent. I've learned not to argue with her about it.

The Purge Has Begun

Let me preface this post by stating, for the record, I love my inlaws. I really do. I could have done a LOT worse in the inlaw department. They are very kind, faithful people who are easy to get along with.

They are also hoarders.

Now, let me back up the story a bit to give you the full effect.

Around about the end of 2003 when I was preparing to propose to The Queen, The Queen Mum's Mum (who was in her 80s at the time) was living by herself in a modest apartment in California. She was also beginning to have some health problems which was impacting her ability to care for herself. We received calls from the people in her church who were concerned and weren't sure the family was aware.

We weren't.

Discussions were had, and a plot was hatched to kidnap Grandma. She had already been planning to come to Texas to visit the family for Thanksgiving. Little did she know, she would not be going back to California. I proposed to The Queen (making her The Queen To Be at the time) shortly after Thanksgiving, and The Queen To Be made it clear she wanted her Grandma at the wedding.

Okay. Can do.

A wedding was planned in under 4 weeks. I use the term "planned" in loosest sense of the word. Most of our planning consisted of telling our friends "Handle it."

They did. Did I mention we have awesome friends?

Meanwhile, back in California, the church folks were coordinating with my inlaws the packing and loading of Grandma's worldly possessions (all of them) for moving to Texas. Grandma had been "convinced" to stay with us in Texas after the wedding. And by "convinced", I mean my inlaws told her she was in no shape to go home and was staying and that was that. Other people in the family have other ideas about what happened. They would be misinformed. So, shhhh...no talking.

As you might expect, things that should have been disposed of in California were instead boxed up and loaded along with everything else. The vast majority of those items are still in the same boxes they were packed in to this day.

Now, at the time of the Royal Wedding, the then proto Daddy Hawk was living in a modest 1200 square foot house with a two car garage. One side of the garage held a 1973 Datsun 240Z project that never got off the ground. The other side held a motorcycle and other stuff bachelors accumulate. To this disorganized mess was added a significant portion of Grandma's possessions the remainder of which were stored elsewhere. These possessions made the move with The Queen and I when we purchased the Castle in July 2004.

This state of affairs continued until October 2004. That was when the inlaws including Grandma moved in with us. This was necessitated by the sale of The Queen's pre-marital bacherlotte pad (a nice one bedroom condo) which was taken over by the inlaws after the ink was dry on the marriage certificate.

Now, picture for a moment, the Castle in all its glory. 2230 square feet of living space and the EPIC 1600 square foot man cave/workshop not including the "chicken coop" which is another 300 to 400 square feet of storage (in the "there's a roof...sort of" kind of way). It was a spacious palace to The Queen and I with more room than our respective pre-marriage abodes combined.

Now, picture for a moment, not one, not two, not even three, but four (FOUR!!!...mine, The Queen's, The Inlaws' and Grandma's) households worth of stuff being crammed into every nook and cranny available.

My shop, where I had great plans of building things (especially an airplane), was full. Not just full mind you but "stuffed to the gills with somewhat passable paths through the stacks" full. To make matters worse (from my perspective at least), no thought was given by those responsible nor input sought from me as to how things should be stored.

As you might imagine, this has been a sore spot for me for a long time now.

As a result, I have largely stayed out of the shop since. The rats; however, have made themselves right at home. Which, inevitably, led to the vast majority of the items in the shops being destroyed in one manner or another.

So, the sale of the house has finally led to necessity becoming the mother of disposal. Acquiescence was obtained, and this was the initial result:

That's roughly 20 to 25 feet in length, 4 to 5 feet high at the tallest and 5 to 6 feet wide at the widest. Most of it is covered in rat excretions.

Apparently, that was NOT acceptable to the trash service. They allowed as how all debris has to be in bags not to exceed 50 pounds and all boxes have to be broken down for recycling. So, guess what I did last night for three hours. That became this:

The cardboard boxes are being held down by boxes full of recyclables lest we pollinate the neighborhood with cardboard descecrated by rodents. It was interesting, however, to see some of the things that were boxed up. The empty glass juice jars were a little odd. The potato peeler in the middle of a box of sweaters (that were long out of style when they were boxed) was definitely note worthy. Phone books. Old junk mail. Electronics that were obsolete when they were boxed up. Broken glass. The meat clever in the box with the spices was a nice touch.

We did find a box full of old baseball cards. Maybe there's a Mickey Mantle or Babe Ruth rookie card in there, and I won't have to work anymore.

I will say this though...it was very cathartic to dispose of all this despite the risk of vermin borne disease (yes, mask and gloves were used; and, yes, I took a long, hot shower after I was done). The scary part is that there is still stuff in the shop and the house to be dealt with.

Oddities: Lingerie

I present this without further comment:

The Queen, however, mentioned something about Pez dispensers.

I Must Have Been a Good Boy

I tried updating the previous post to add this, but Blogger for iPad and going through the Google app to the web version of Blogger were no bueno either. So, I will just have to blow my 400TH post on showing off The Queen's absolutely awesome anniversary gifts to me.

OOoooo, what have we here? The Dave & Busters gift card is obvious, but it's intended purpose is stress relief. It will get good use. But, what about the rest???

MMMmmmm, a bag of M&Ms. The edible kid, not the Cutest Little Girl in the World (TM) kind. We have a history of M&Ms in this family. When I was slogging the commute back and forth between Dallas and Houston, The Queen sent me off with care packages of M&Ms and stuffed animals (there is still to this day a stuffed frog [aka Froggie the copilot) in the rear window of the Maxima. 

[drool, slobber, smack, ommmnommmnnommm] Ah, a veritable smorgasboard of chocolate (or "chockit" as M&M calls it). The 60% dark is just about as Dark as I like a chocolate to go. I will eat as high as 72%. Anything beyond that and it's too bitter for my taste. The white chocolate is self explanatory. Let's take a closer look at the rest...

Now, at first glance, I laughed when I saw these. I can, however, happily report that they are quite tasty. Sadly, the beef jerky doesn't taste too much like beef jerky and is more like regular milk chocolate with tiny bits of jerky in it. It's still good though. The BBQ tater chip flavor is very good. 

If the BBQ tater chip flavor is very good, the firecracker is awesome sauce in your mouth. It starts off with a little sparkly, then goes slightly salty, then the pop rocks really kick in and finishes with a little spiciness from the smoky chipotle. I never would have guessed that it would be as good as it is. I will be getting more of this. 

I will be reporting on the last of the Anniversary gifts after it is completed on Monday. 

10 Years Ago Today...

...The Queen and I said "I do."

Looking back, I amazed at what we have been through. We married right at the end of 2003. 2004 was pretty quiet all things considered. In 2005, The Queen lost her job taking 40% of our income with it. Just a few months later, we moved to Houston because of a better job opportunity for me which brought about half of that lost income back. At Thanksgiving that year, I came down with pneumonia, spiked a 105 degree fever, and The Queen thought I was dying (might have been for all I know...I really didn't care at that point).

2006 brought us the onset of The Queen's "mystery illness" that resulted in her moving back to Dallas without me so that her parents could help take care of her while I tried to find work back in Dallas. It took me almost two years to the day before I was able to get back to Dallas full time (that is one reason among many that my car has 345,000 miles on it). Two years of living in a friend's spare bedroom to save money. Two years of getting up at 4:00 AM Monday morning to drive to Houston and leaving Houston at 4:00 PM Friday. Two years of not knowing when the next panicked phone call would come from The Queen regarding her health and dropping everything to break every speed limit between Houston and Dallas to get home (three and half hours door to door is my best time from I-45 and Beltway 8 in Houston to I-20 and 408 in Duncanville if you ever want to give it a try).

It was no fun at all.

2008 to 2011 saw The Queen's parents and grandmother living with us. A 2200 square foot house gets to feeling a tad cramped with five adults, three dogs and two cats. Especially when one of the five is over 90 years old and in need of assistance for every need. More so when one of the other four works from home. We made it work some how.

2010 saw improvement in The Queen's health. It also saw the heart wrenching decision not to continue trying for kids of our own. No need to cry over that though because...

2011 opened with the passing of The Queen's 94 year old grandmother after a long, slow decline. It was as much a relief as anything, and she passed peacefully in her sleep. Following that, The Queen's parents took their leave of Castle Erickson and moved out to a house on my brother in law's property that they renovated while The Queen and I jumped head first into the world of foster parenting (and a brief dalliance with law school for me). Our very first placement was the little girl who would become Princess M&M. The end of the year saw me recruited in record time for what I consider to be the best job there is in my field. I ended my 9+ year (split up by an interlude at a company whose name I will not speak...[hock, spit]) relationship with my former employer on our 8TH wedding anniversary so that I could start...

...2012 with a fresh beginning at the new company. 2012 was a rocky year of ups and downs with the foster care system and the saga of M&M; however, by the end of the year, it was clear that we would be adopting her which brings us to...

2013. We started the year off right with the adoption hearing for M&M in January which still seems like it was just yesterday. The rest of this past year has been a blur. The Queen's health has taken a bit of dip again. Some of it is from the stress released after we adopted M&M and bailed out of the foster care system for good. Some of it is allergies. Some of it is a yearning for freedom from all the baggage (physical and mental) that we have accumulated over the years.

Looking ahead into 2014, I am working feverishly to declutter us from our excess physical junk while trying to get the house ready to sell. Our hope is to sell our house and downsize to a small rental for a time while we get our bearings on where we want to be and how we want to be there.

So, if you know anyone interested in a nice, 2 bed, 2 bath, 2 car garage, 2 living area, 1 sunroom/office/extra bedroom, 2269 sq. ft. house on one acre with a 1600 sq. ft. workshop conveniently located to Dallas and Fort Worth, drop me a line. I'll make you a fair deal.

Truthfully, despite all we have been through, I feel blessed. Blessed to have a wonderful woman who puts up with me and my imperfections. Blessed to have had a lot of good times interspersed among the trials too. Blessed to now be a father and a husband. Blessed to be here at all to enjoy it.

So far, we've lived 10 years of our vows: for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.... We haven't gotten to "until death do you part" yet; and, God willing, that will be a long time coming (although there have been times I thought I spotted The Queen searching the backyard for a good spot to bury me). I won't say marriage is easy because it does take both people working together to keep it going, but I will say that ours has been less difficult that most simply because we spent a lot of time (six and a half years in fact) dating, getting to know each other and making sure we were on the same page.

I am scheduling this post to publish at the time we have reservations to sit down for dinner at the "scene of the crime" so to speak. We will be dining at the restaurant where we had our first date, and where I proposed to her.

Reata is in downtown Fort Worth, and it is easily in my top three favorite restaurants ever. If you ever find yourself in Fort Worth, I highly recommend it.

I Am a Blessed Man

My father in law has been married to my mother in law for over 45 years now. In that time, he has probably had two or three professional massages all of which were given to him by my wife (when she was a practicing massage therapist). You see, my mother in law refuses to allow him to have hands laid upon him by any woman who is not related to him, and my father in law, being the typical man that he is, has absolutely no desire to have a man lay hands upon his body (I can't say I blame him either).

I told you that to tell you this.

My wife, The Queen, however, is cut from a whole nother other sheet of cloth.

Our normal, daily (work day that is) custom these days is for The Queen to text me when she is up and moving which usually happens between 9:00 and 10:00 in the morning. Tuesday's exchange went something like this (well, just like this actually since I'm transcribing things for you because I'm too lazy to screen shot things and edit out personal stuff).

The Queen: Morning

Me: Morning. How did u sleep? How u feeling today?

The Queen: Slept well believe it or not :). Started feeling good and then allergies hit again ugh. How did u sleep?

Me: Not too good. Stayed up too late. Had trouble getting to sleep. Woke up too early to try and beat traffic and still got stuck in it. Have a huge knot in my neck/shoulder. Blah.

The Queen: Go get a massage by what's her name (ed. - my "regular"...like once a year...massage therapist) or find a massage school and get one cheaper. You would b helping a student get their credit hours ;)

Now, it's almost impossible for me to get in to see my "regular" therapist for a couple of reasons. First, she takes a lot of clients from a chiropractor's office for injury therapy. Second, she keeps normal people office hours meaning she's usually working when I am at work which means that I have to schedule a partial day off to get in to see her. So, no last minute massages with her. She also does not like to do "outcalls" at people's homes (mainly because she has a family to take care of and likes her set office hours and leaving her stuff at her office). I do like her though because she is very good and doesn't charge a fortune.

Here is where The Queen distinguished herself from her mother and made me The Most Blessed Man In The World (TM). The Queen, on her own initiative, Google Fu-ed and called a couple of different massage schools and found me an appointment for after work not too far from the office for an 80 minute massage given by a student for the grand total of $42.50. How cool is that?

When I told her that the therapist was a little Asian girl with strong fingers, her comment was "Glad u enjoyed it."

My wife loves me, and I am blessed to have a woman who trusts me to be alone in a dimly lit room with another woman while I am lying flat on my back wearing nothing but my underwear (which The Queen assures me is the universal signal for men to give to female therapists that you are not a perv looking for a happy ending) and a sheet.

Now, if I can just get her to surprise me with new guns when I walk in the door from work....