Thursday, October 3, 2013

I Am a Blessed Man

My father in law has been married to my mother in law for over 45 years now. In that time, he has probably had two or three professional massages all of which were given to him by my wife (when she was a practicing massage therapist). You see, my mother in law refuses to allow him to have hands laid upon him by any woman who is not related to him, and my father in law, being the typical man that he is, has absolutely no desire to have a man lay hands upon his body (I can't say I blame him either).

I told you that to tell you this.

My wife, The Queen, however, is cut from a whole nother other sheet of cloth.

Our normal, daily (work day that is) custom these days is for The Queen to text me when she is up and moving which usually happens between 9:00 and 10:00 in the morning. Tuesday's exchange went something like this (well, just like this actually since I'm transcribing things for you because I'm too lazy to screen shot things and edit out personal stuff).

The Queen: Morning

Me: Morning. How did u sleep? How u feeling today?

The Queen: Slept well believe it or not :). Started feeling good and then allergies hit again ugh. How did u sleep?

Me: Not too good. Stayed up too late. Had trouble getting to sleep. Woke up too early to try and beat traffic and still got stuck in it. Have a huge knot in my neck/shoulder. Blah.

The Queen: Go get a massage by what's her name (ed. - my "regular" once a year...massage therapist) or find a massage school and get one cheaper. You would b helping a student get their credit hours ;)

Now, it's almost impossible for me to get in to see my "regular" therapist for a couple of reasons. First, she takes a lot of clients from a chiropractor's office for injury therapy. Second, she keeps normal people office hours meaning she's usually working when I am at work which means that I have to schedule a partial day off to get in to see her. So, no last minute massages with her. She also does not like to do "outcalls" at people's homes (mainly because she has a family to take care of and likes her set office hours and leaving her stuff at her office). I do like her though because she is very good and doesn't charge a fortune.

Here is where The Queen distinguished herself from her mother and made me The Most Blessed Man In The World (TM). The Queen, on her own initiative, Google Fu-ed and called a couple of different massage schools and found me an appointment for after work not too far from the office for an 80 minute massage given by a student for the grand total of $42.50. How cool is that?

When I told her that the therapist was a little Asian girl with strong fingers, her comment was "Glad u enjoyed it."

My wife loves me, and I am blessed to have a woman who trusts me to be alone in a dimly lit room with another woman while I am lying flat on my back wearing nothing but my underwear (which The Queen assures me is the universal signal for men to give to female therapists that you are not a perv looking for a happy ending) and a sheet.

Now, if I can just get her to surprise me with new guns when I walk in the door from work....


  1. Subtle hints like leaving a JG Sales flier(selectively highlighted) around the house might be an idea;)

    1. Odysseus, I've tried that to no avail. I put a wish list on the blog. She doesn't read it. I take her to a gun store and say, "Honey, I really want this gun." Nada. I think she is immune to hints.

    2. Did Odysseus happen to mention that I got him a gun for Christmas one year...and he reciprocated the next?

    3. HH, no, he failed to mention that.


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