More Advice for M&M

It's been a while since I posted any advice for M&M. So, it seemed somewhat serendipitous when I saw the following posted on the Book of Face:

click to embiggenate further

And, it occurred to me that someone needs to do a fisking of this not unlike was done to the Modern Man article that made the rounds recently. Since no one else is around to do it, I will have to tackle the task. So, without further adieu, here are the things My M&M Should Know.

1. Never spend any money on makeup. You are more beautiful just the way you are than any amount of makeup could ever make you. Beauty is more than just your physical, outward appearance. It is everything about you from your smile to your attitude to your to the things you say. Besides, makeup tastes funny.

2. Daddy Hawk is not sure what is meant by "keeping it chill with the eyeliner", but he feels certain that you would be safe referring to number 1 again.

3. You will not own a pushup bra while living under my roof. Obvious or not, Daddy Hawk knows why women buy them and he is uncomfortable with the idea of his daughter entertaining such notions. Daddy Hawk also finds it sad that the original author felt it necessary to lead with physical appearance issues instead of more substantive matters.

4. Daddy Hawk actually agrees with this one but with one minor addendum: "...because Daddy Hawk will kill him."

5. Daddy Hawk does not have a Twitter account; and, therefore, has no idea why this piece of advice was considered important by the original author. Daddy Hawk will agree to the extent necessary that saying things to a person's face whenever possible is good policy.

6. I seriously doubt that you would ever be so foolish as to tell your mother that you hate her. If you were so unwise as to utter such complete nonsense at Queen Ginger the First without contemplating the consequences of unleashing the wrath of the redhead, I am sure you will come to understand the depth of your folly from the comfort of your new life in the witness protection program.

7. Innocence is beautiful. Can't argue with that.

8. They do love to hear from you, you have much to learn from them and they won't be around forever.

9. The Golden Rule is an excellent rule to live by. If someone doesn't like you, you are under no obligation to like them. You still love them as God commanded, but you don't have to hang around them either.

10. A .357 works better,

11. Daddy Hawk loved you first, most and always and it has nothing to do with your beauty (although you are The Cutest Little Girl in the World (TM)). Walk away from any man who is only interested in your physical appearance. Look for a man who loves you like Daddy Hawk loves The Queen.

12. What kind of stupid, arbitrary crap is this?? Three strikes and you are out? What is this? Baseball? Conflict, sadness, emotion are all parts of a relationship with another person. Especially a close, intimate partnership with a spouse.

13. Daddy Hawk agrees with ignoring stereotypes. This applies to racism, prejudice and all forms of perception based ignorance. Martin Luther King was right; it's the content of a person's character that is most important.

14. Learning from ones mistakes is important. Just be sure you are merciful to yourself and others when those mistakes happen.

15. So can Daddy Hawk.

16. There is no substitute for home cooking. It's generally healthier for you too. Learn to cook. More importantly, learn to ENJOY cooking.

17. Your body won't stay the same forever. Learn to take care of it now, and you won't have to rely on your metabolism.

18. Everyday is a gift, treat it like one.

19. This one is actually good advice. In fact, it should have probably been number 1.

20. Someone has a hang up with physical beauty. They should see my comments at 17. and get a personality.

21. Prom night is evil. You won't miss a thing. Trust me.