With my apologies to AC/DC.
Still bupkis on the permanent job search front. The last rejection email is making my eye twitch a little. So, I thought I would endeavor to jump start my entrepreneurial spirit a little with a price list for services I am willing to render. All services provided in the greater Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex. Other locations negotiable subject to travel and mileage fees.
Babysitting - $50 per hour per child (you supply the duct tape)
Concrete Shoes - $100 per pair ($150 for lace up)
Divorce Settlement Mediation - $500 (double if children are involved)
Dog Shaming - $10 ($15 for large breeds)
Malicious Yenta - free of charge with a $100 retraction fee
Matchmaking - $50 per couple (double for nerds)
Neckties - $10 Windsor / $20 Bowtie
Political Campaign Manager - $1000 per hour plus travel expenses
Political Campaign Promise Writer - $100 per promise
Political Campaign Promise Enforcer - cost plus 10%
Toilet cleaning - $25 each ($50 for failure to courtesy flush and bad aim)
Wake Up Calls - $5 each 5:00 AM Central and later ($5 each additional minute before 5:00AM)
Yenta - $5 plus unlimited hot tea
Additional services subject to negotiation and availability