Thursday, June 6, 2013

A Little Mockery Goes a Long Way

My office is like many workplaces these days; and, by that, I mean that it has embraced the "enlightenment" that comes with having a Wellness Committee. And, by "enlightenment", I mean the draconian push to eliminate "unhealthy" things from the lifestyles of the gainfully employed under its domain. 

Word is that, once upon a time prior to my arriving at this place of employment, every Thursday was donut and muffin day with boxes of sweet delights being brought in for the huddled masses to enjoy. At some point, probably the result of increasing health insurance costs and the "encouragement" of the health insurance companies, it was decided that free range fatties should be discouraged from enlarging themselves on the company dime. Some people in the office still have the email with a picture of a donut and captioned "RIP". 

Well, enough is enough. I have decided to embark upon a campaign to recapture the freedom of the common man from the tyranny of health insurance company profit motives. 

I am establishing the ANTI Wellness Committee. 

Our motto is Carpe Donut!! 

Offsite meetings are to be held weekly at Krispy Kreme or Dunkin' Donuts. We plan on publishing a news letter with articles about ways to increase your cholesterol and blood pressure, how to be a lazier couch potato, find good deals on hammocks and recliners and generally promote vegetating in front of the TV as a form of exercise (it is, after all, a path to getting into A shape). 

Join us. You know you want to. 

9 comments:

  1. You could probably get the wellness committee's approval for your weekly field trip if you promise to walk to your meeting each week :)

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    1. GunDiva, we neither need not want the approval of the Wellness Committee. In fact, I'm looking for a good deal on an RV so I can power nap my sugar coma off when necessary.

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  2. teehee. way back when, mid 1990-s, when this kind of stuff regarding ethics, morals and values first started up in gov. and private practices, my colleagues and i decided enough was enough and started up our own committees. i was the rep for the "bad hair day" committee. oh ya, you just know i had a ton of fum with that one.

    your friend,
    kymber
    (hey. did i ever tell you the knock-knock joke about joe? oh man. it is the funniest joke ever!)

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    Replies
    1. woops. somehow i wrote fum??? i meant fun. or maybe i didn't. i can't decide.

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    2. Kymber, I think I get the picture.

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  3. I am TOTALLY on board. I'll even edit your newsletter for free! ;)

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    1. Auntie J, welcome aboard. Get busy and it's your turn to buy donuts.

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  4. Go fo it!
    Of course, I can see them monitoring your 'off-campus' food and activities, as well...

    Food and health nazis will be food and health nazis...

    gfa

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    Replies
    1. GFA, food nazis can be held down and force fed donuts until they puke.

      Delete

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