Thursday, May 27, 2010

Cat Puke and Relationship Advice

Okay, so this is my fourth post of the day. It’s a record for me in that it’s the most I’ve ever posted in one day, and it also makes nine posts for the month which beats my previous personal best. I didn’t set out to break records this morning. It just seems like I’ve got a lot of stuff trying to make a prison break from my brain today.

This post isn’t so much about a personal experience of mine as it is about an impression I have relating to something The Queen told me about an interaction she had with someone else today.

The Queen informed me that the cats needed food. I use the term cats loosely here. These animals are actually little pigs, wrapped in cat suits who think they are humans. One of the “cats” will eat just about anything. In large quantities. He’s the GOOD “cat”. The other one will eat just about anything…quickly and in large quantities. Unfortunately, he hurls it right back up. Finicky little turd. He’s The Queen’s “cat”. Or, as I like to call him, The Yak Master 5000 projectile vomit cannon.

Anyway, we’ve tried several versions of cat food in an effort to avoid cleaning up cat puke. Daily. At one time, we thought the cats weren’t getting enough protein since they kept bringing home mice, bunny rabbits, snakes, lizards…small children. Daily. So, we looked for cat food with the most protein. That cut down on the prey animals winding up in the house. It seems to have worked. But that may just be because they are now too old and fat to hunt effectively.

Next, we thought that all the grains in the food might be causing allergies for The Yak Master 5000. We tried the so called “wilderness” diet of a certain brand which is just “meat” and veggies ground up and dried into kibble. The projectile vomiting has slowed but not stopped.

Then, Yak Master 5000 spewed forth more than normal one day. Off to the vet he went. He was poked and prodded in the normal manner, and he was not amused. I wouldn’t be either. You’re just not supposed to be “inserting coin here”. Although, to be fair, he doesn’t use that end very often as it seems his pie hole is a revolving door.

Anyway, the vet carries a brand of pet food offering a raw diet as well as a version of the “wilderness” diet. Since the cats needed food, The Queen offered to have her dad run her to the vet to give the vet’s brand a try.

While at the vet’s office, The Queen, as she is want to do, struck up a conversation with the girl behind the counter who was waxing eloquent about her relationship woes. Apparently, she had just broken up with her live in boyfriend of 12 years.

The Queen, in turn, raved about me to her new found friend. The Queen really builds me up way more than I deserve. This is truly flattering and humbling to me as I really don’t feel like I deserve it. I know my faults, and I am far from perfect. Needless to say, I had a word with The Queen about shamelessly lying to strangers about me. But I digress.

The girl at the vet’s office asked The Queen if I had a brother; and, when she was informed that I’m the lone Y chromosome equipped spawn from my parents’ brood of two, this lovesick puppy asked The Queen to bring me by so she could meet “just one perfect guy.” I told you The Queen oversold it with her raving.

The thought struck me, after hearing the rest of the story about the vet girl’s relationship woes, that, no matter how good the relationship between The Queen and I is or how good we are together, there is no way that what we have together could be replicated with anyone else. What is perfect for me and The Queen would probably be hell on earth for someone else.

The way I see it: if you’re married and you’ve got it good, be thankful and put in the work it takes to keep it that way. If you’re not married, don’t try and copy what someone else has. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but chances are good you won’t like the results if you don’t have a willing and able partner.


  1. That's all well and good, but did the raw diet fix the YakMaster 5000?

    Just kidding (I'm on a freakin' roll today); I agree with you. What works for one couple may not work for another. Lord knows I wouldn't have my sister's marriage for all the money in the world, but it works for her.

  2. GunDiva, it remains to be seen if the Yak Master has been cured of his projectile vomiting tendencies. Ask again in about a month.

    I wouldn't have my sister's marriage for all the money in the world either. My BIL is a nice guy and all, but....

  3. So true, so true. The best relationship advice I've ever been given is: If it works for you, then it works. I think what most people haven't thought about is..."is this working?".

  4. Mel, so true, so true back to you. As an addendum to your comment about "is this working?", I think a lot of people overlook thinking about what elements they need to make things work. So many people think common activities or interests are enough to make up for differences in faith, child rearing (or bearing), extended family, etc. To borrow a story from a minister I heard once speaking on the subject, he said spoke about counseling a couple prior to marriage who were not on the same page. He asked what they had in common. They said they liked to ski. He asked them how many kids they wanted. She said 10. He said 0. The minister told them there were not enough ski days in the year to make up for that kind of incompatability.

  5. LOL! No, I don't suppose that ski days will make up for those kinds of differences. The habits that start out being quirky or mildly annoying sometimes turn into the same things that lead to the urge to commit homicide 15 years later....not that I have any experience with that or anything :)


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