Friday, February 17, 2017

Friday Funnies

There's a separate box for the green ghost of Ben Kenobi.

They just followed the skid marks.

Notice Darth doesn't let the storm trooper take the shot...they cant aim for nothing.

Anal/cranial inversion

Signs by Captain Obvious

I'd pay good money to watch the results.


Positive side effect, I now have a shocking personality.

Just tell yourself it's a cucumber.

Probably cleaner too.

For the last time...people eat food, food eats vegetables.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Things I Wish I Had Known... a budding entrepreneur.

1) Think carefully before registering a domain name for your company with more characters than a Hollywood award show. "www." and ",com" are 8 characters on letterhead, business cards, brochures, etc. before you even add on "repugnantreprobaterecyclers" or "pistolpetespizzaparlorandbordello".

Now, your humble scribe, must decide whether to forge boldly on with a most excellently spelled out but exceedingly long domain name or admit slightly embarrassing defeat and find a somewhat abbreviated but still respectable and stunningly brilliant moniker to represent the internet presence for my budding business.

2) Once you register your business with the state, you will be inundated with phone calls. Not from customers mind you, but telemarketers. Until I finally started blocking certain numbers, I was getting 10 calls a day from DirectTV alone trying to sell me satellite packages for my business.

Now, I know I'm new to this whole self employment/small business concept thing, and I don't want to tell big companies how to do their thing. HOWEVER, Annoying someone with repeated auto dialed phone calls who has only been in business for a few days and has only a very small likelihood of being in a position to have made any money yet at said business is not likely to endear said business owner to the product or service you are trying to telemarket.

3) Some people who say they are happy to help aren't. Some people who tell you you're crazy, though 100% right, are your best clients.

4) If you thought the tax code was confusing itemizing deductions on a 1040 for a W-2 wage slave, you have NO idea what confusing is. Google "calculating self employment tax" just for giggles and grins. Go on. I dare you.

5) There is no such thing as regular work hours and sick days are a thing of the past. Even when you are curled up in a ball under the covers having an anxiety attack, you are thinking about business (because it's what triggered the anxiety in the first place).

6)  Customers and clients do not simply fall out of the sky or appear out of thin air. You must go stalk them, convince them that you are the best solution for their product and/or service needs and succeed in prying their hard earned money from their cold dead hands.

Friday, February 3, 2017

I Seem To Have Hit A Nerve

Yesterday's open letter to the mainstream media has 942 page views recorded by Blogger so far. That's about 10 times my normal page view count for a single post and doesn't include people reading via a feed reader. Me thinks I tapped into a little pent up anger there. Thank you everyone who came by to take a look.

Friday Funnies

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Dear Mainstream Media

While you are busy getting over having your pants yanked down around your ankles and your underwear pulled up to your ears by the new administration, can we have a moment to discuss a few things that the American public would like you to know?

1) No one trusts you anymore. This may come as a shock to you, but the days when the American public accepted the word of a reporter as gospel went out the door a long time ago. I'd venture a guess that ship sailed when Edward R. Morrow retired; or, maybe, when Walter Cronkite signed off the air for the last time with "...and that's the way it is." If you want someone to blame, go look up Dan Rather and ask him why HE felt the need throw away his journalistic integrity in favor of bias and partisan politics. The 2016 election demonstrated vividly just how biased and "in the tank" for progressive liberalism you have become, and we are sick of it. Here's a novel idea: how about you stick to reporting FACTS without spin or bias and let us feeble minded folks in the audience form our own opinions.

2) Words have meanings, you have access to dictionaries, put two and two together and start acting like you know the English language. A RIOT is not a PROTEST. Martin Luther King staged peaceful protests. So did Ghandi. (Insert tantrum throwing group of the day here) destroying public and private property, beating people who disagree with them and basically engaging in an anarchistic orgy of destruction is a RIOT and a CRIME. Someone who enters this country on an approved visa and applies for legal resident or citizenship status is an IMMIGRANT. Someone who crosses the border ILLEGALLY and makes no effort to apply for legal resident status or citizenship is an ILLEGAL ALIEN or an INVADER. One is a CRIMINAL and the other is a threat to NATIONAL SECURITY. Get it straight if you ever have any hope of regaining any measure of trust from the people you serve.

3) We understand that there is a lot of news to cover and that not everything is "newsworthy", but be aware that what you choose to cover and not cover is as much a part of journalistic integrity as is the language you choose to report the news. The "Fast and Furious" gun running scandal should have been extensively covered, and Eric Holder should be in jail over that. Ditto for Hillary's email server scandal. Donald Trump's locker room comment from 10+ years ago...still relevant but not nearly as critical as mishandling of firearms or sensitive government information by senior administration officials. While we are on the subject, repeating the same news every hour on the hour on a 24 hour cable news network is ridiculous. Use some of that time to air a few more note worthy stories.

4) The media should treat all politicians equally: suspiciously at best and preferably like lying, thieving, conniving dirt bags. It is disingenuous to suddenly give a flying flip about abuse of executive orders when you've been conspicuously quiet about it for the last eight years. Journalistic integrity demands that no one gets soft ball questions, evasive answers need to be challenged, and no one should be immune from close scrutiny. You can complain about Donald Trump's decade old locker room comments when you publish Barack Obama's college transcripts.

5) We the people really do not care what a Hollywood or sports celebrity thinks about politics, national security, little green men or global warming unless they just happen to be running for office, quitting the NFL to join the Army, was abducted on live TV or has a Ph.D in climatology. We want facts and not airheaded opinions from someone to whom we pay good money to "Shut up and Dance Monkey." Using celebrities to forward an agenda is playing to vanity, and it is part of the reason the public's trust of your services are in the toilet.

In closing, the media has an awesome responsibility to be guardians of the public trust. Use it wisely or lose it forever. We are watching.


Daddy Hawk