Saturday, December 8, 2018

Saturday Evening Sillyness

I just call it a butt warmer.

Or, you know, your ex-wife's mother.

PETA= Peopele Eating Tasty Animals

And donuts

I'll be kind and not name names here. 

So, there was a fourth wise man, Marty, who brought glad tidings and Van Halen's Eruption.

Nothing a little duct tape won't fix.

I'd do that if it would fit in a cup holder. Maybe for the office. 

13. Turkey bacon, while not an abomination unto bacon, is not an acceptable substitute.
14. Beef bacon, however, is awesome.

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Election Results

Dear Outgoing Speaker of the House Paul Ryan,

Congratulations genius. You and your establishment buddies managed to screw up a conservative’s wet dream. You had full control of all three branches of government, and you still couldn’t unbugger the mess in Washington.

Why am I blaming you and not President Trump? Simple. Trump’s power is limited to enforcement of the laws you give him to work with and exercising the bully pulpit to champion his own agenda. Yeah, yeah…executive orders. I’ll see your excuse, and I’ll raise you an accusation that it’s Congress’ fault that “a pen and a phone” is all that’s necessary to get around the Constitution these days. You can thank your predecessors for that one (Gulf of Tonkin Resolution ringing any bells?), and you and your spineless buddies have done nothing to correct the problem since.

Go enjoy your fat, Congressional pension in retirement you useless bag of warm spit. Thanks for nothing.

Dear Incoming (again) Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi,

Congratulations on regaining the gavel you hollow eyed, former hippie, walking argument in favor of term limits. Now that you have your toy back, what are you going to do with it? I’d strongly recommend against wasting my hard earned money on investigations that are going to go exactly nowhere. Impeachment? Not happening. You don’t have the votes in the Senate. Besides, if you investigate Trump, you damn well better investigate Hillary unless you want your gavel taken away from you (again).  

Here’s another suggestion: ever hear the saying “a rising tide floats all boats”? How about working in the country’s best interests for a change instead of lining your own pockets and those of your billionaire donor class puppet masters?

How about an observation, which should be obvious to everyone, for you too. 2016 is over. Too bad, so sad that The Donald made a mess of Queen Hillary’s ascension to the throne. Deal with it and move on. You’re stuck with him just like we are stuck with you. To quote your messiah, Barry Obama the Organizer, “Elections have consequences.” You want to keep a firm grip on that gavel? How about starting with admitting that ACA should never have seen the light of day to begin with and push for its repeal. Do that and actually honor your oath of office for a change, and you might just get to die in office like McCain did.

While we are on the subject of the [un]Affordable Care Act, it was an unconstitutional disaster of a law intentionally designed to fail so that you and your wannabe socialist buddies could usher in socialized medicine. Haven’t you kept track of the news? Socialism DOES NOT ^%$##$%^&*!!! WORK. Socialism requires massive amounts of OTHER PEOPLES’ MONEY! The only reason Europe has a halfway functioning socialist democracy is because it receives MASSIVE amounts of foreign aid from the UNITED STATES. Without US money and military presence (allowing Europe to spend less on defense), Europe would be on its way to being Venezuela.

Last suggestion: how about you start acting like a leader and stop demonizing the half of the country that disagrees with you and your party? While you are at it, a leader holds their own people accountable for mistakes, transgressions and outright, flagrant violations of the law. Get your flashlight out and poke into the corners of Hillary Clinton’s email server and Diane Feinstein’s driver for starters.

Good luck, I’ll be praying for you, and feel free to check back for more suggestions. I’ve got plenty to go around.


Daddy Hawk, A Humble (broke) Taxpayer

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Wednesday Wackiness?

It's been a while since I've posted anything. Maybe I'll fill the gaps soon. Maybe I won't. Been traveling. Been caring for the family. Been working. The usual. More to follow eventually when I get around to it. In the meantime, have some random humor.

Personally, I think this is overkill. I'll just great him at the door with a Marlin 1895 in .45-70 and a 1911 in .45. That should get the point across nicely.

Took a quick work road trip yesterday, and The Queen and M&M went with. M&M forgot to bring things to occupy her time and discovered the joys of watching the scenery pass by. She was less than amused.

Without Google, without Wikipedia, without cell phones, without computers for the most part. I started college with an electric typewriter.


This is far too subtle. You need to be close. Close enough for him to hear the sound of your bowie knife on the whetstone.

Chances are good they have experience.

Mexican Machiattos from Yummy's Cafe on South Padre Island are just dark enough for me to plan...nevermind.

Never...ever...THINK  about doing this to a redhead. You'll die. Your soul will be tortured. Your memory will be deep fried in a vat of liquified body parts....

You will never, ever, look at a bowl of dip the same again.

Monday, September 17, 2018

Monday Madness

Pound for pound cats are Hulk strong. 

This is every woman I've ever known.

Around this house, it's touching the thermostat AND leaving all the lights on. 

He should lay down on the roof. Better concealment from the ground. 

You done messed up now. 

This would be my father in law. 


Or anyone for that matter.

RIP Burt. Thanks for the entertainment. 

Volume1 of 1000

Shut up and dance monkey!