Thursday, June 27, 2013

Travel Suggestions Bleg

The Queen and I are planning a family vacation for the middle of July. We have tentatively selected Daytona Beach, FL as our final destination. To my readers in the area/state (that'd be you Stephen and others too I'm sure), any suggestions on where to stay? No anyone who has a nice two or three bedroom condo they would like to rent for a reasonable price? Good restaurants? Must see attractions? Let me hear about it. 

Your assistance is greatly appreciated in advance. 

Here's An Interesting Time Sink

As most of you know, politics and the legislative sausage making process are an interest of mine. I'm one of those kids from the 70s who watched School House Rock every Saturday morning on TV and actually paid attention to "Conjunction Junction" and "I'm Just a Bill." Given that, I should probably have gotten a degree in political science instead of history and anthropology, but that would have made life difficult for me once I had my spiritual awakening since what passes for politics these days is wholly incompatible with a Christian life (unless you are a hypocrite).

Any horse thief, having spent some quality time at work looking into the inner working of Obamacare (in all it's 2400+ pages of glory) and how it might affect the things we do around here and listening/reading the news lately about the Gang of 8 Immigration Reform bill (itself a kilopage behemoth not including amendments), it occurred to me that no one really has a grasp on how big the United States Code has become, how far it has strayed, etc.

That led me to ask what the First Congress did in terms of legislation. Well, here is a handy link to answer just that question courtesy of the Library of Congress. Looking through the table of laws, the first Congress enacted less than 30 laws in its first year mainly roughing in the details of the things The Constitution said Congress was supposed to be doing. During the first four years, the total page count of all laws in the United states was less than 300 pages.

Let's recap for comparison's sake for just a sec...

All bills passed into law during the first FOUR years of Congress: less than 300 pages (which pretty much everyone read and understood before voting began)

Obamacare: Over 2000 pages (that no one read in its entirety much less understood before passing it)

Something is very screwed up here. The US Code is now well north of 200,000 pages not including Executive Orders, Regulations, Policies and the Whims of Bureaucrats (TM).

Prior to 1800, every man, woman and child in America that could read could read and comprehend every single page and word passed by Congress (if they had a copy) in less than a week. Less than a day if they read fast. Now, not so much.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Start paying attention to what your horse thieves are doing and hold them accountable.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Random Thoughts From The Road

1. The shoe shine guy in Terminal 3 South at Phoenix Sky Harbor air port is THE MAN! My boots have not been this shiny. Ever. 

2. I'm having a hard time figuring out why anyone would want a pair of the Google Glasses. Now the NSA can get a visual record of every woman's ass that some nerd has stared at. How long do you think it will be before some jealous girlfriend/wife figures out how to hack in and see what boyfriend/hubby is looking at. It can't end well. 

3. I had perhaps the second worst hamburger of my life today. First place goes to the one I had in a dinky little, hole in the wall take away place in Weymouth, England in 1999 or 2000. I'm pretty sure it was not real beef. Mad cow possibly. 

4. Both my meals today so far were less than stellar, and I hope my taste buds have not decided to revolt. 

5. Daddy Hawk's venerable ride of 13 years is making like it wants to fall apart again. 

6. 2 hours of flight time with wifi and Craigslist is probably not wise. 

7. I got upgraded to First Class for my flight home. It's not what it used to be, but it beats coach with an ugly stick. 

8. Warm nuts and a bourbon and coke make most things seem unimportant.

9. Dry heat is better than humid heat any day.

10. Got my review and bonus yesterday. Both were good.

11. Having the government take 32.65% out of my bonus for bueno.

12. I don't want to think about what the .Gov is doing with my money. 

13. It's sad when airline food is the best meal of the day. 

14. I'm pretty sure Hoffa is buried in eastern Arizona. There is nothing out here. 

15. The boss strongly suggested I get to work an hour earlier which means I have to give up my mornings with M&M. Boo.

16. I want a newer car, but not a car payment.

17. I want another motorcycle.  The Queen is not opposed. 

18. Is a sling/messenger bag still a man purse if it holds a revolver and 50 rounds of ammo?

19. I wonder if arguing that a revolver is just a tool will get around the office's no weapons policy.

20. The guy behind me ordered scotch and ginger ale. Something about that seems vaguely criminal. 

21. Using a knock knock joke in your opening statement as the defense attorney in a murder trial is worse than rhyming "fit" and "acquit". Insulting the jury at the same time is a bonus.

22. The bourbon is gone. We must fix that. 

Friday, June 21, 2013

By Request...Sort Of

My good blogger buddy, GunDiva, gave me an award the other day (I'll get around to posting that eventually) for which I am thankful; however, she made a quiet comment/back handed request that there was not enough being written about M&M. So, in my ongoing effort to placate my readership and at least one cranky woman with a gun, I submit the following.

Nothing quite says relaxed like a toddler in full, slack jawed, rag doll mode. Can you hear the deep breathing (she doesn't snore much yet...give her time)? She was out, and I mean lightening, thunder and tornado siren deaf out.

M&M enjoying one of her favorite treats: a peanut butter cookie (all natural and gluten free). We have pretty much dispensed with using a high chair with her at this point. She sits up quite nicely on her own. So, she gets a big girl chair or a booster seat when we are sitting down to a meal.

M&M trying to fill some pretty big shoes...mine in fact. She put her feet in them all by herself. On the correct feet even. She did not, however, bring them back to Daddy.

M&M and JG having a semi-tender moment in the backyard. I say semi-tender because M&M is smiling for reasons we did not discover until a few minutes later. It's best if I leave it at that and let you imagination wander. Don't worry, it'll come back...eventually.

M&M showing off her new, pretty dress with matching doll courtesy of Mimi at her baby shower.

When we adopted M&M, my auntie S (mother of cousins B and S, wife of uncle B, and math tutor by profession...they signed their Christmas cards "BS squared" [you will just have to imagine the little superscript 2 there] ever since cousin S came along) called to see if we would like her to throw a baby shower for The Queen and M&M since a lot of folks don't think about doing that sort of thing in our situation. Anyway, because of life, the girl, the gold watch and everything, it took a while to get the shower scheduled. I didn't find out about it until about a week before when I had lunch with My Sister...The Devil. When I asked when it was, I was told that she didn't know if I was invited. What the....excuse me??? Then I found out that The Queen was given a choice of two dates. She chose one...not realizing that it was Father's Day. My first OFFICIAL father's day.

To be honest, I was a tad annoyed at first that my pseudo plans for sleeping in and playing with guns were slipping quietly out the window like a cat burglar at 2:00 AM; but, I couldn't get mad about it. 1) I'm an easy going kind of guy, 2) It ain't worth getting upset about, 3) The Queen was apologetic and can be forgiven as she has been dealing with some stressful issues of her own, and 4) there will always be other times to play with guns and other Father's Days, but there will be only one time to attend my only daughter's baby shower.

Turn out was a little light...seeing as how it was Father's Day and all, but most of the family was there as were some good friends. I did get to take my uncle's Harley Sportster for a spin which was a lot of fun. I probably should have declined the offer because now I REALLY want another motorcycle, but I wasn't about to pass up an opportunity to have the wind in my face with my wife snuggled up tight behind me.

M&M's very own rocking chair with matching dolly rocking chair (also courtesy of Mimi). Would you believe that the doll, the matching outfits and matching chairs all came from Cracker Barrel?? I was amazed.

My Sister...The Devil also returned a favor gift wise by presenting M&M with the complete U.S. coin mint set and stamp sets for her birth year just as I had done for my nieces when they were born. I'm still two up on her as a certain uncle brought for real, fresh baked birthday cakes to the hospital on the day the girls were born. The nurses got a kick out of it. Spice cake for the oldest, and chocolate for the youngest if memory serves me correctly.

Mini Me and The Banshee Update

After the last update regarding our other two now former foster kids, life went somewhat back to normal.

There was a little bit of a tiff with bio mom over some personal items (toys and a bicycle) and clothes that didn't make it into the first round of items moved. I'm not sure exactly what she was expecting. In the eight or so months those kids were with us, they accumulated literally a truck load of stuff. Most of which was delivered by the bios themselves a few items at a time at each weekly parental visit. I'm not kidding here either. It took me and my father stuffing boxes and toys and other stuff into The Queen's Navigator and dad's pickup with an 8 foot trailer to get their stuff to the new fosters.

THEN, she complains that we didn't send Mini Me's old bike back with him (even though he had outgrown it AND had a new bike courtesy of Mimi) among other things. For some reason, she thought the best solution was to just drop by our house anytime she felt like it to get their stuff.

While they are not overtly bad people, they are not the people I feel comfortable with just dropping by unannounced. We offered to meet here at a neutral location of her choosing convenient to her pretty much anytime during normal waking hours. That suggestion was apparently not good enough. Something was mumbled about us not supposed to be having contact with them per CPS (which is complete and total horse guano...I think she just didn't want us to see how far the kids had regressed [more on that in a minute]). Threats were made to call the CPS caseworker (by her...not us); and, finally, our adoption agency caseworker got involved and acted as the go between/delivery service.

After that little drama, it was radio silence from bio mom for about four months.

Then, out of the blue, The Queen gets a text from bio mom asking if we had a problem with The Banshee sleeping through the night.

Bio mom claims that The Banshee would wake up crying in the night. The Queen asked if bio mom was picking her up and playing with her (which is what she was doing before they were taken away by CPS). Bio mom denied that, but said "I just go in there so she knows I'm there."

Uh huh. Color me skeptical.

After some more probing questioning by The Queen, bio mom finally admitted that she was back to her old habits again. Kids will sleep through the night IF YOU STAY OUT OF THE HABIT OF MESSING WITH THEM EVERY FIVE MINUTES YOU TWIT.

On a positive note, The Banshee is in the process of being potty trained. She is 21 months and has apparently grasped the concept of peeing in the potty chair. We were also told that she blows kisses at the picture The Queen sent of M&M to bio mom's cell phone. The Banshee could be a very sweet girl at times. I hope she gets the chance to stay that way.

No word on Mini Me's current status. I'm assuming he is enjoying his last summer of freedom before entering kindergarden in the fall. I'm willing to bet he has not come down from a sugar high since returning home. He'll be the only kid in his middle school with a full set of dentures if he's not careful.

Fox News Has WAYYYY Too Much Time on Their Hands

Now, I know that the mainstream media went in the tank a long time ago and does everything in its power to avoid actual fact based reporting with any kind of integrity especially regarding anything vaguely important like EVERY SINGLE FRIKKIN' SCANDAL BLOWING UP IN DC RIGHT NOW!!!!!!


THIS is a tad ridiculous.

Someone at Fox thought it would be a great story to dig into whether the UNITED STATES NAVY has an opinion about whether or not CAP'N CRUNCH is a fraud.

You have GOT to be smokin' crack Batman. The press should be busy slow roasting the current administration over hot coals on a spit slathered in barbeque sauce NOT trying to determine whether a flippin' CARTOON character on a kids CEREAL box is "for realsies".

Bread and Circuses. The Romans at least had gladiator matches involving real men putting their lives on the line. We get stuck with American Idol and the NBA Finals.

If you will excuse me, I think I just prolapsed my spleen and the idea of getting drunk for breakfast just became very appealing. It's a shame I gave up profanity over a decade ago. The "universal adjective" yelled at high volume over a bullhorn would feel very cathartic right now.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

I'd Like to Propose a Change in Election Law

It occurs to me that the American people can't seem to help but elect criminals or those of evil intent to  political office. As such, I hereby propose that election laws in this country be changed so that every politician elected to office from the smallest school board representative to the president be given a jail or prison sentence equal to their term in office. Just on general principals since it's almost impossible for politicians to keep from violating some law (or the Constitution) through evil intent, ignorance or flat out stupidity. It needs to be at least a state jail felony sentence (Federal for national public office). It should include Cabinet level positions requiring confirmation by elected representatives. Pardon eligibility would require extraordinary proof of innocence and automatically make the pardonee eligible for sainthood as the world's first honest politician. 

Thursday, June 6, 2013

A Little Mockery Goes a Long Way

My office is like many workplaces these days; and, by that, I mean that it has embraced the "enlightenment" that comes with having a Wellness Committee. And, by "enlightenment", I mean the draconian push to eliminate "unhealthy" things from the lifestyles of the gainfully employed under its domain. 

Word is that, once upon a time prior to my arriving at this place of employment, every Thursday was donut and muffin day with boxes of sweet delights being brought in for the huddled masses to enjoy. At some point, probably the result of increasing health insurance costs and the "encouragement" of the health insurance companies, it was decided that free range fatties should be discouraged from enlarging themselves on the company dime. Some people in the office still have the email with a picture of a donut and captioned "RIP". 

Well, enough is enough. I have decided to embark upon a campaign to recapture the freedom of the common man from the tyranny of health insurance company profit motives. 

I am establishing the ANTI Wellness Committee. 

Our motto is Carpe Donut!! 

Offsite meetings are to be held weekly at Krispy Kreme or Dunkin' Donuts. We plan on publishing a news letter with articles about ways to increase your cholesterol and blood pressure, how to be a lazier couch potato, find good deals on hammocks and recliners and generally promote vegetating in front of the TV as a form of exercise (it is, after all, a path to getting into A shape). 

Join us. You know you want to. 


Well, they say good things come in threes. I guess ego boosts do to. Mohave Rat of the blog Mohave Rat's Two Cents Worth ( outed himself in the comments of the last post as someone willing to feed my already questionable ego by joining our happy congregation here. Kymber claims him as family (whether literally or spiritually I have yet to determine) for those who know her. At any rate, welcome to the party Mohave Rat. Content is somewhat erratic bowing to the needs of work and family, but I do make an honest effort to respond to all comments. Enjoy the show. 

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

A Joke and a New Follower

So, since the last post in which I welcomed the first new follower in a really long time, another person made the questionable decision to associate themselves with my little corner of the universe. According to Blogger (whose reliability in these matters is open to question), June M of the blog  Because of Match ( is the 67TH person to give me an ego boost. June, welcome. Say "hi" to everyone. There's some really nice folks who stop by here. Ignore GunDiva though...she has this "thing" with lamp shades. We don't talk about it. Much.

On with the joke. It's an old joke that some of you have probably heard before, and I certainly do not claim original authorship; BUT, it does have two things going for it: 1) it's clean, and 2) it makes me laugh.

So, a duck walks into a bar. The duck waddles up, hops on a barstool, looks the bartender straight in the eye and says "Got any grapes?" The bartender informs the duck that the bar does not serve any grapes. The ducks hops down and waddles out of the bar. 

The next night, the same duck waddles into the bar and proceeds to repeat the same request from the previous night to the same bartender. The bartender proceeds to politely inform the duck that nothing has changed since last night. The duck hops down of his stool and leaves. 

This goes on for several nights in a row with the bartender getting more and more frustrated each time until finally, one night, he yells at the duck, "Look!! If you ask for grapes one more time, I'm going to nail your bill to the bar."

The duck thinks the situation for a moment and then asks, "Okay then, do you have any nails?"

The bartender, completely deflated, says, "No."

The duck says, "Good. Got any grapes?"