Marketing Strategy

 

Way in the distant early days of this blog, I posted a short little thing about vacuum advertising. I'm glad to see that someone has finally seen the wisdom of my marketing genius. I wonder if pimps and brothel owners will realize the benefits of using this marketing campaign for their...ahem...services. I mean truth in advertising benefits everyone, right?

Do Yourself a Favor (A Health Insurance Rant)...

DO NOT EVER, EVVVVERRRRR, request an online quote for heath insurance from Agile Health Insurance or their Go Health website.

They claim they will not sell your information or release you private information. "Your trust is our highest priority. We will never sell your information; we will keep your information secured; and we will disclose it only as allowed by the law and this Privacy Policy. - See more at: https://www.agilehealthinsurance.com/privacy#sthash.xSDANrKM.dpuf"

HAH!!!

Within minutes, literally, of inputting my basic information into the website for an online health insurance quote that is supposedly compliant with the "Affordable" Care Act, I began to be inundated with phone calls from friendly, licensed agents. 19 calls in four hours. One poor sod called 3 times in 15 minutes. I say poor sod because the poor lady that was stuck with me after the cheerful telemarketer on the other end of the auto dialer transferred me got a bit of an attitude and an earful from me. I received calls from no less than 4 agents from the same stinking company.

I received emails.

I received texts.

I'm half expecting a pony express rider to show up on my door step in a few minutes with an urgent message about my frickin' health insurance coverage.

The agent who hit the trifecta by calling, emailing AND texting, got a nasty gram in response in which I told him to lose my information. I didn't say "or else", but the threat of dire consequences was implied by my tone. He responded that he doesn't like the way these companies sell information either and that I ought to sue the company that sold my information. I recommended he, as an agent dealing with that company, should give the head of marketing the same treatment I got and see how they like it. I might have suggested a thorough reaming of an orifice or possibly creation of a new one.

I would have suggested a tabasco enema with a chainsaw chaser, but I'm trying to cut back on my daily expressions of sarcasm.

Now, I know these are people trying to earn a living, and the ACA has not made their lives any easier. Not only that, I can half way respect the agents with enough humanity left to actually dial the phones themselves and leave a message. But I will NOT answer a call from a number I do not recognize, nor will I return a call to a number that does not have a real, live human being leaving a message.

If I can find the call center where the robo-dialer that auto dialed me 3 times in 15 minutes is located, I'm taking a sledge hammer to the server, pouring gasoline on the remains, watching it burn, salting the earth around it, and erecting a massive robot with a flaming sword and strict programming to destroy anything that comes within the property boundaries to prevent anyone from rebuilding on that site.

Ever.

I ought to go back on the site and input my congressman's information just for giggles. That ought to take care of the problem.

Things I Wish I Had Known...

...as a budding entrepreneur.

1) Think carefully before registering a domain name for your company with more characters than a Hollywood award show. "www." and ",com" are 8 characters on letterhead, business cards, brochures, etc. before you even add on "repugnantreprobaterecyclers" or "pistolpetespizzaparlorandbordello".

Now, your humble scribe, must decide whether to forge boldly on with a most excellently spelled out but exceedingly long domain name or admit slightly embarrassing defeat and find a somewhat abbreviated but still respectable and stunningly brilliant moniker to represent the internet presence for my budding business.

2) Once you register your business with the state, you will be inundated with phone calls. Not from customers mind you, but telemarketers. Until I finally started blocking certain numbers, I was getting 10 calls a day from DirectTV alone trying to sell me satellite packages for my business.

Now, I know I'm new to this whole self employment/small business concept thing, and I don't want to tell big companies how to do their thing. HOWEVER, Annoying someone with repeated auto dialed phone calls who has only been in business for a few days and has only a very small likelihood of being in a position to have made any money yet at said business is not likely to endear said business owner to the product or service you are trying to telemarket.

3) Some people who say they are happy to help aren't. Some people who tell you you're crazy, though 100% right, are your best clients.

4) If you thought the tax code was confusing itemizing deductions on a 1040 for a W-2 wage slave, you have NO idea what confusing is. Google "calculating self employment tax" just for giggles and grins. Go on. I dare you.

5) There is no such thing as regular work hours and sick days are a thing of the past. Even when you are curled up in a ball under the covers having an anxiety attack, you are thinking about business (because it's what triggered the anxiety in the first place).

6)  Customers and clients do not simply fall out of the sky or appear out of thin air. You must go stalk them, convince them that you are the best solution for their product and/or service needs and succeed in prying their hard earned money from their cold dead hands.