Wisdom From M&M

And now for something a little different. Not completely different, mind you. Like a penguin on your telly. That would be copyright infringement.

The Queen posted this on her Facebook page today quoting our lovely, now, 5 year old wunderkind, M&M:

"When people stop hugging, they stop loving."

I tell you what, that little girl has a lot of wisdom in her little brain. She gets it from her mom, The Queen.

I've always been a touchy, feely kind of guy (not in the pervy sense), and I never pass up a good hug. Once upon a time, I believe I had just turned 16, my dad was dropping me off at the house following some event. He stuck his hand out to me to shake my hand instead of reaching to give me a hug like he had done for the previous 16 years. I looked at him like he had just grown a second set of nostrils on an extra pair of noses. His reasoning: he thought I wouldn't want to hug him now that I was old enough to drive.

I proceeded to disabuse him of that notion.

I plan on hugging that little girl every chance I get for as long as she will allow it. Somehow, I don't think she will ever decide that she doesn't need a hug from the old man.

M&Misms

I think every kid growing up goes through that stage before they really learn to "talk proper" during which they speak a language known only to them and those few who have been around them long enough to understand the contextual meaning of their utterances. M&M was and remains no different. At the tender age of 4 years old, she is very well spoken in comparison to others in her age group. Heck, she even puts some adults to shame. Even still, there are several M&Misms that I want to remember, and I thought I would take a moment to share them with you as well.

"Wazzat?" - This was one of M&M's earliest words. Spoken in a husky, almost whisper while pointing, this was M&M's way of asking what something was. Often repeatedly in the space of a few minutes. "Wazzat?" she would say. We would respond with whatever the object in line of sight was. Lather, rinse, repeat. Until one time, she pointed straight up into the night sky. "Wazzat?", she asked. "That's the moon, M&M." I told her. "Dat's da mOOOooon." She had just spoken one of her first complete sentences.

"Mo?" - First a question and later one of her many nicknames. During the "Wazzat?" phase around 1 year to 18 months, If she wanted more of something, she would ask, "Mo?". Soon, her Opa (that's German for "grandpa") took to calling her "Mo" and the nickname stuck.

"Watch Wall-E?" - The movie Wall-E was the first movie we allowed M&M to see. Roughly around the time she was 18 to 24 months. The Queen's Navigator has the rear entertainment system built in. So, when we would load her up, the first thing she would ask for in the car was "Watch Wall-E?" It didn't matter if we were making a cross country trek or just a 5 minute drive to the store. She didn't know the difference. Once we widened the viewing list a little, it was still "Watch Wall-E?" even if she really wanted to watch Finding Nemo.

"Juish?" Pronounced "joosh". Juice. Any kind of juish although it was usually apple juish. I was really annoyed when my father in law kept correcting M&M to the point that she started saying "joo-iss" instead. 

"Awwhite" This one is pretty common among kids, and I think it needs no explanation. If you can't figure it out, ask a parent. 

"Chickenlada" M&M's all time favorite food...chicken enchilada. 

"Huggles and Kissles" This one should be self explanatory. It's especially cute when she says she is out of huggles and kissles. 

"Can I listen to some music?" This one is a relatively recent addition having developed since she was about 3 and a half. The Queen has an iPad which M&M is already very adept at using. The Queen started out playing music videos to M&M off of YouTube and then progressed to finding soothing jazz compilation "videos" for M&M to listen to. Here recently, M&M figured out that she could watch cartoons on Netflix via the iPad; but, in her mind, it's still all music to her. So, if she wants to watch Masha & The Bear or Strawberry Shortcake, she asks to listen to music on the iPad.

"Gymnasties" Around June of last year, we enrolled M&M in gymnastics. That was a little hard for a 3 and a half old to say, and it came out as "gymnasties". It's hard to argue with a 3 and a half year old when it's so darn cute.

"I got this." M&M's older cousin became famous for a similar line "I do it." Same concept. If M&M thinks she can do something, she says, "I got this, mom/dad". 

"Ever God in Heaven" Being Christians, we obviously pray with M&M and have taught her to do so herself. My wife and I tend to start with some version of "Father in Heaven" or "Heavenly Father Great Creator God" or similar words to that effect. M&M always, without fail, starts her prayers out with "Ever God in Heaven." I have no idea where she came up with that, but neither The Queen nor I have any interest in correcting her on that. 

Law of Unintended Consequences

Once again, I apologize for the conspicuous lack of content here of late. This year has been singularly stressful on all fronts, and my time and desire to sit at the keyboard and write anything has been greatly diminished. Even now, I sit in a seminar on bad faith listening to an attorney drone on about how big bad insurance companies get bent over a barrel in the heart of redneck country.

So, I figured I would use the time to do something productive like update my loyal readers (all 4 of you who are left) on the status of M&M's sister.

The short version is that the last 24 hours have been very stressful, and the prognosis is not encouraging.

So, what does that mean? Well, sit back and I will try to click out the long version. Bear with me.

Back before all this started, Texas' long sitting governor (gooberner) Rick Perry had delusions of grandeur and decided he should not seek reelection for yet another term leading the great state of Texas so that he could focus on running to be the Republican nominee for President of the United States (along with 30 something other hopefuls). Cheerleader Rick (he was an Aggie Yell Leader which is the Aggie version of a cheerleader) anointed then Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott as his chosen successor. Greg Abbott (who I have nothing against for the record) was duly elected in predictable red state fashion over the democrat nominee, Wendy Davis (who never had a snow balls chance in Hell's outhouse of winning), and took over the keys to the governor's mansion in January of this year.

One of the first things Governor Abbott did upon taking the reigns was to request a review of Texas Department of Family and Protective Services (Texas' version of child protective services) procedures and policies regarding removal of children from their homes. The idea was that DFPS was removing children from their homes too frequently for minor, easily correctable issues that didn't warrant removal and placement of children in foster care when a suitable "safety placement" was available.

So, the Parental Child Safety Placement process was hatched. The theory is that DFPS would recognize a danger to the child in the home that was serious enough that it was in the best interest of the child to be elsewhere to give the parent time to correct the dangerous condition (e.g. cleaning up the filth, throwing out the dead beat/drug dealing boyfriend, etc.) but which condition was not serious enough to pursue a formal removal into DFPS conservatorship and resulting foster care. The PCSP is intended to be a short term, temporary alternative (ideally less than 60 days) where the odds of the child returning home following correction of the dangerous condition are good and there is a suitable safety placement willing to be a voluntary caregiver under a formal, written agreement.

If you read the guidelines for the PCSP, it's quickly apparent that whoever wrote it didn't quite think through all the consequences and implications of the new policy and how it would gel with the existing policy framework or how it would be applied in practice. There is a huge, unstated, assumption that the voluntary caregiver will be a family member or someone with close, significant contacts with the family.

In practice, reality and the law of unintended consequences beats good intentions into submission every time.

So, what does this have to do with M&M 2.0's situation? She was born just in time for the new procedures to be put in place. Come to find out, DFPS quickly figured out that they could use the new process to intimidate parents in borderline cases into putting their children into safety placements which have NO COURT OVERSIGHT.

In a normal removal case, the DFPS files an emergency removal petition with the court to be granted conservatorship over the child so that the child can be placed in a licensed foster care home or the home of a responsible family member who can be granted temporary custody. In the case of a PCSP, the birth parent retains legal custody of the child but signs an agreement giving temporary care of the child to pretty much anyone they choose.

In M&M 2.0's case, the bios chose to give voluntary custody to someone they allegedly knew from church. Why I say allegedly will become apparent soon enough; however, there is no possibility that these people from church could have had close, significant contact with the family as the bios had only been back in Texas for less than a year at the time of 2.0's birth and the bios had continued their history and practice of couch surfing nomadic living arrangements with whichever friend or drug buddy was willing to put up with them for a while which included locations from all over the north Texas area.

Now, fast forward to yesterday. In November, we had been told that the bios had agreed to extend the safety placement for another 60 or 90 days to give them time to work their services plan (which, in typical bio fashion, they had not been working). We were prepared to wait around until January or February to find out what would happen next.

Then, the DFPS case worker called The Queen yesterday morning to inform us that the voluntary safety placement family was filing suit against the bios for child support (good luck finding blood in that turnip), legal custody (for which they are on shaky legal grounds at best to seek but apparently found someone to actually file the pleading) and a restraining order (me thinks the welcome mat has been withdrawn). The case worker wanted to know if we would be willing to allow visitation between the siblings apparently assuming that this development would go unchallenged by us.

Tee hee...that's so cute. Fertilizer...meet fan.

Come to find out, the safety placement family is not unlike us in that they are childless and incapable of having children of their own. Naturally, they have bonded with 2.0 and want to keep her. Unlike us, they are pursuing questionable legal tactics instead of having patience and faith. Interestingly, they are also claiming they do not know the bios which directly calls into question DFPS' handling of the PCSP which requires that the safety placement have close, significant contacts with the family.

Needless to say, we are not amused.

Cousin L has been informed of these developments, and she has been in contact with the bios. Female bio was reportedly clueless about these developments and does not want to lose her latest offspring but was open to the idea of pulling the voluntary placement from church family and moving 2.0 to our home. Male bio adamantly refuses to consider moving 2.0 to our house and is now threatening Cousin L with termination of all future contact unless Cousin L drops everything and comes to Texas to get 2.0 (you may recall that Cousin L lives in a western state some 1200 miles away).

Meanwhile, The Queen and I await a call back from an attorney recommended to us by our foster care/adoption agency to see what, if any legal recourse we have in this situation.

That's the news fit to print at the moment. Further updates as events warrant.

New Baby Bleg Update

I thought I would take a moment to update everyone on the results of your efforts in response to my last post. I just got a call from The Queen advising me that Cousin L texted The Queen to let us know that the bio donors will NOT be allowed to take baby sister home after all. 

Apparently, female donor's psych meds are such that she is not fit to supervise herself much less an infant alone during the day. Male donor is allegedly only available to supervise during the evening. There are no other family members in the area, and the female bio's mom wouldn't qualify even if she came down from the northwest due to HER health issues. 

But wait...there's more. 

The Queen just called again. Cousin L (at our suggestion) called the CPS caseworker that handled M&M's case. Case worker reached out to the investigator and confirmed that Baby Sister WILL definitely be placed with Big Sister M&M IF she is taken from the bios by CPS.

And before I could even hit publish, I get a text from The Queen that baby is going to a member of the church the bios attend. Grrrrrr!!!!!

Stay tuned. Things are changing by the minute. 

Bleg: New Baby Edition

I know I have been remiss in updating the blog here lately. I have even acquired a new follower (the first in quite a while) who I need to properly welcome. The new job has kept me very busy as has getting settled into a new home. The last remaining bits of free time have been taken up with getting all the paperwork and assorted other tasks taken care of to get the Castle's Foster Parent License renewed.

Why would we even consider renewing our foster care license you might be asking? Didn't we forswear any further involvement in the foster care process after M&M's adoption? Why, yes. Yes, we did pinky promise and forswear any desire to involve ourselves further in the emotional self flagellation that is the foster to adopt process.

With one, small caveat.

Remember how I said we would consider getting involved if any only if it were for a full blood sibling to M&M?

Yeah...weeelllll....she was born today.

Alright, alright. I can hear the record scratching sound, see the puzzled looks and feel the mental equivalent of a "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?". Allow me to back up a moment.

Sometime in December, The Queen gets a text from male bio donor's cousin asking how we would feel about a sibling for M&M. The Queen answered that we thought it would be great if M&M had a sibling but weren't going to get involved in the foster process again unless it was a special situation. It was then that Cousin L (L is a good initial, sits in the middle of the alphabet, good solid base, stands on its own, no connection to cousin's first or last name) dropped the other shoe that female bio was pregnant again and L wanted us to be adopt if the opportunity arose. Due date was estimated in August.

I've kept it under my hat with the exception of immediate family and a couple of close friends. Mainly because there was no guarantee that the call would ever come. Female bio donor, as you may recall, has a history of miscarriages among her many other issues. There was also no guarantee that they would remain in the state (they came back to Texas late last year for reasons unknown).

Female bio's drug use was a concern. Early reports are that she stayed clean during this pregnancy which is a small blessing. We hear baby girl was born healthy despite being a few weeks early, and she apparently looks like M&M did when she was born. We have been told that CPS is aware of the birth and will be allowing the bios to take baby sister "home" under close monitoring. I say "home" because the bios are apparently homeless and living out of a cheap motel.

Given the bios colorful history, I suspect it will not be long before CPS decides this was a collosal mistake and removes baby girl from whatever disaster the bios decide to call shelter for the night.

And herein lies the bleg: I simply request prayers and good vibes for whatever is best for baby girl. I simply want her to have the protection and safety she needs to grow up happy and healthy. Obviously, I am biased about where and with whom that should take place. But, this isn't about me (or the bios for that matter). So, I request that you leave me, The Queen and the bios out of whatever prayers or good thoughts you choose to offer up. I would be content with a simple "God/Allah/Buddha/Mother Nature/By Grapthar's Hammer, not my will but thy will be done."

Thanks, and I will try to provide updates as I have information to share.

More Advise For M&M

1) Drink the good stuff....and learn to savor it.

I remember when I was in college my buddies would all chip in and buy a case or two of the cheapest rat urine beer they could find for a weekend of drinking. Keystone Light was their usual poison of choice as I recall. I was the oddball who brought a six pack of real beer (I was known to bring anything from Miller Genuine Draft to for real from Germany Oktoberfest beer) and still managed to go home with at least two bottles for later consumption.

2) [or corollary to 1) above] Whiskey should be old enough to drive....or at least old enough to reach the pedals.

Anything younger than 12 years should really come with a chaperon in the form of a mixer of some flavor. 12 to 15 years old can be allowed some latitude but should generally require a curfew that ends at the same time happy hour does. Anything older than 15 should be savored without anymore distraction than maybe a large ice cube.

3) Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty.

Hard work never hurt noboby, and you wash.

4) "You are not what you think you are. What you think, you are."

I heard this in a sermon recently, and it's true.

5) Make plans to do stuff. It's important to have things to look forward to.

It doesn't have to be elaborate. It doesn't have to be expensive. It can be anything as long as it is something.

6) Every safety rule is written in blood.

Corollary - Behind every warning label is an idiot with a lawsuit.

Go read the Darwin Awards if you need proof.

Advice for M&M's Future Suitors

1) Come to the door.

Go on. Honk the horn from the curb. I dare you.

2) Dress nicely.

If I see your underwear, I will pull it up over your head and tie it off to your shoelaces.

3) Show respect.

Both for M&M and for The Queen and me. DISrespect will be dealt with...harshly.

4) Speak clearly and use proper English.

Proper pronunciation and enunciation is your friend. Everything you say can and will be used against you. Gutter slang, Ebonics, mumbling and foul language will not be tolerated.

5) You will be background checked. Deal with it.

6) If I see you in the news, it had better be for saving kittens or something equally worthy.

If the article or story mentions you and the words "perpetrator" or "suspect" in the same sentence, walk away now while you still can.

Advise For M&M: Special Edition

I was at lunch today reading The Book of Barley by L.B. Johnson and came across a quote I wanted to share and expound upon a little.

"In looking back, I realize that, for them, being a parent was something the learned by trial and error; that mistakes were made and forgiven, even as my own were. They were two imperfect and flawed human beings whose actions were recognition and protection of that brave bargain that is parenthood." - L.B. Johnson (if you don't already know who she is [and you really should], ask me via email)

Once upon a time, I heard it said that parenting is the only profession left up entirely to amateurs. There is no class that can adequately prepare you for parenthood. The reality of getting up at 2:00 AM to feed a baby or change the sheets that were just violated unspeakably has to be experienced. The responsibility to care for, protect, guide and educate an innocent, clean slate of a human being weighs heavily on the shoulders, but it is not a burden to suffered. Rather, it is a forge that strengthens you and tempers you and the results can be as rough or refined as the effort you put into it.

Children are a blessing. Treat them as such and cherish every moment with them.

Some Thoughts for M&M's Future Suitors

Though I am loathe to admit it, one day, in the not too distant future (the further the better), my little M&M will look upon a boy with a gleam in her eye and captivate the poor, unsuspecting youth thereby earning a level of scrutiny usually only reserved for sub atomic particles and IRS audits. Dear lad, here are some things for you to think about as you enjoy the relaxing sounds of latex gloves being pulled on and shotgun shells being chambered.

1) Don't run...you'll only die tired.

While this has been the motto of the United States Marine Corps Snipers, there is much truth here for you to consider. Note, the slowest bullet I shoot flys at a leisurely (and subsonic) 850ish feet per second.

You don't.

2) No smoking...unless you enjoy being on fire.

3) Old age and treachery trumps youth and ability.

I was your age once. I know what you're thinking. I know what you're going to do before you do it. You, however, lack the breadth of my experience. You have no idea what I am capable of. By the way...your shoe laces are untied.

4) Life isn't fair...neither am I.

You are assumed to be on notice of the rules and expectations. If you are unclear on what those rules or expectations are, you'd best ask questions ahead of time.

5) Freedom of choice exists...freedom from consequences does not.

Go ahead...try and violate the law of gravity. See how that works out for you. Same concept applies with me and my daughter.

Have a nice day.

Gun Blogger Family Loses a Child

Brigid at Home on the Range sent email yesterday asking to spread the word. Brigid's email is copied below:

"The loss was expected given the deformity found in vitro but they insisted on carrying to term to give her even a little love here on earth.

Peter Grant ways it better than I. His link (with links) is below. Spread the news if you can.

http://bayourenaissanceman.blogspot.com/2014/09/a-tragedy-death-and-plea-for-help.html"

I have to give the family a lot of credit for having the courage to see the pregnancy through. That had to be a tough decision. One that I can't fathom. My thoughts and prayers are with them. Follow the links and do what you can even if it's just a moment of silence in remembrance. 

This Resonated With Me

I very rarely link to other stuff, but I spotted this today and thought it was worthy.

It's an article on Slate about a freelance cartoonist that illustrated a quote from Calvin & Hobbes creator Bill Watterson in the style of Calvin & Hobbes.

Enjoy.

Tilting at Liberals 2: The Rebuttaling

Back in July, I posted about the exchange I had on Facebook with the liberal lamenting how minimum wage will not support a two bedroom apartment. There was more to the exchange. Unfortunately, I never got around to finishing posting the response to my response. So, now that I have all this glorious time on my hands, I figured it was time to get back into the swing of things and wrap up some loose ends.

First, her response:

I understand your point and agree with it as well, but I was thinking more about the people who DO have skills but are down on their luck and can't FIND work that suits their abilities. Yes, those jobs that pay minimum wage are GREAT for unskilled teens who don't need to necessarily support themselves and a family. There are a lot of elderly however who are barely existing because they can't make a decent wage, and they have no one to help them make ends meet. Even $10 an hour is hardly enough to live on and support a family with these days and there are PLENTY of jobs for SKILLED workers that only pay $9 or $10. I was referring to those companies that DON'T pay what a worker is worth, but the workers don't really have much of a choice but to work for a low wage OR starve, and many of them are barely eating as it is. I definitely didn't mean to offend you, or anyone else, [Daddy Hawk], with my post. ;)

I, myself, have skills, but am not able, at this point, with my health issues, to work enough hours to support myself. I'm hoping that the improvements I'm trying to make will allow me to begin to work soon. I'm working on a disability case until I can get my health back to that point, but I will NOT be able to exist on just disability, even.

My girls are sharing living expenses, and I hope that they do work hard to improve their skills and that they WON'T start families until they either themselves are able to support one, or until their future husbands are able to do so! Unfortunately, with my health the way it has been for so long, and with me being the ONLY parent around, and no one else really playing a role as mentor, they haven't seen the examples that many kids in the church have been exposed to, of hardworking parents with skills that help them make a good wage, usually of a Father who supports the family with HIS skills and a mother who is able to stay home and be there full time for the kids. We definitely haven't had the ideal life, but God has provided for us in spite of that. I pray He will help my girls to learn on their own what they need to know and that they will work hard and keep their health unlike myself. ;)

Now, I had originally intended to do a thorough fisking of her response. As I started drafting my response though, I discovered that there was a lot I wanted to say that didn’t fit well with a good old fashioned, beat down because her response didn’t contain enough to work with for a launching point. So, instead, I decided to just go with a detailed counter response and let fly.

[Facebook Liberal], first off, you have nothing to apologize for, and you did not offend me. I took issue with the political agenda behind the image you shared by a Washington DC based, liberal, lobbying group and expressed my opinion countering that agenda. The image is rhetoric, pure and simple, and misrepresents the issue to garner sympathy and support from people who have neither the time or interest to really understand the issue. Which is exactly how we wind up with social programs that cost more than the country can afford and don't work to boot.

Let's take a close look at the smoke and mirrors behind the image for a moment. As Mark Twain said, "There are lies, damned lies and statistics." The image says that nowhere in the US can you afford a 2 bedroom apartment working 40 hours a week earning minimum wage. 40 hours a week at $7.25 per hour for 52 weeks is $15,080 a year ($1256.66 per month). They expect you to assume that a person earning minimum wage will receive no other forms of assistance so that they have to rely solely on that meager (you know that's what they are thinking) amount of money.

No discussion of earnings would be complete without taking federal and state income tax withholding, social security or the now federally mandated health insurance requirement into account. Medicare and SSDI taxes hit your paycheck for 7.65% combined. Federal income tax withholding claiming 9 deductions is 8% according to my last paycheck. So, let’s call total withholding something between 15% and 20% for most people. One week of wages at $7.25 per hour is $290. Net take home without considering insurance is between $232.00 and $246.50. It's not a ton of money, but it will go farther than you think if you make wise choices. 

Insurance is expensive no matter how you slice it, and it has only gotten worse since Congress bent us all over a barrel with the “Affordable” Care Act. But, let’s consider reality for a moment. If you are between 16 and 25 (or 26…I forget the cut off) [which is also the demographic most likely to be earning minimum wage], you still qualify for mommy and daddy’s insurance plan. So, you reject the healthcare coverage offered by your employer (assuming you are lucky enough to have employer provided healthcare) and continue believing you are invincible because you are young and employed. The other end of the demographic scale that earns minimum wage is retirees (those 62 and older). They qualify for Medicare which is a whole other can of worms that I’m not well versed enough to open.

Next, they want you to assume that a 2 bedroom apartment is the bare minimum that someone needs to survive. Perhaps. Perhaps not. The unspoken assumption here is that they want you to visualize ONE person earning minimum wage HAS to afford a 2 bedroom apartment to house a family instead of just themselves. Otherwise, why mention a 2 bedroom at all? I think you and I can agree that a single person can get by just fine with an efficiency or even a small one bedroom apartment. That's cuts your rent needs by 30 to 50% easily. So, they obviously expect you to add kids to the mix so that you feel more sympathetic to the cause. How many? 1? 2? 10? I won't try to argue that parent(s) + 10 will fit in a one bedroom apartment, but I will say that you can make mom, dad and 2 or 3 work in a one bedroom.

Now, they expect you to believe that NOWHERE in the US can you find a 2 bedroom apartment within the budgetary means of one person earning minimum wage. How exhaustive has their study been? How many people are really affected by the problem to begin with? Many a young (or elderly) married couple quite happily share small apartments without fuss or bother. Before we sold Castle Erickson, there was a nice young couple (she was an artist and he was an engineering major) who rented a garage apartment from a neighbor for the low, low price of performing maintenance around the property as needed. I personally rented a two bedroom apartment for $425 a month that I shared with a friend. Granted that was 20 years ago, but that dump hasn't gone up that much in rent even ignoring Section 8 assistance. And that completely ignores the movement of people living in 100-200 square foot tiny houses partially or completely off the grid and mostly debt free (Google "Tiny House Movement" or Tiny Houses...fascinating concept).

Based on my own recent research, NICE 2 bedrooms are starting at about $900 a month (roughly $10,800 a year in rent) in the Collin County suburbs. No minimum wage earner in their right mind is going to rent a $900/month apartment in the 'burbs, but I bet they would rent a subsidized apartment for $500/month in the inner city where there is some public transportation.

To quote someone else smarter than me whose name I forget, "You can have your own opinions, but you cannot have you own facts". In my humble opinion, I think we can safely state that their argument is a factually unsupported opinion covered in bovine excrement.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, I can go to town fisking the comments the liberal did make. Liberal in italics. Me in Bold.

I understand your point and agree with it as well,

No, not really. If you understood and agreed, I wouldn’t have to fisk the rest of your comments.

but I was thinking more about the people who DO have skills but are down on their luck

Luck has nothing to do with staying employed. Making wise choices and working hard are the keys to success. Getting a degree in medieval French poetry is not likely to lead to a successful, well paying career. Sitting on your ass checking Facebook every five minutes won’t do it for you either no matter how wisely you chose your career path. Being valuable to an employer by having education, skills and experience that benefit an employer’s bottom line will result in an employer looking for ways to keep you.

and can't FIND work that suits their abilities.

What exactly is this? The only job that matters to me is the one that earns a paycheck to put food on the table. If that means sweeping floors or designing airplanes, so be it. Refer back to making wise choices, if your abilities consist solely of medieval French poetry, it’s time to work on collecting some other abilities.

Yes, those jobs that pay minimum wage are GREAT for unskilled teens who don't need to necessarily support themselves and a family.

Minimum wage serves no other purpose than to be an arbitrary value for unskilled labor.

There are a lot of elderly however who are barely existing because they can't make a decent wage, and they have no one to help them make ends meet.

What choices did they make to put them in that position? I know people just like this; and, as harsh as it sounds, they did it to themselves. It is not my responsibility (unless they are family) to be the backstop for their poor retirement planning.

Even $10 an hour is hardly enough to live on and support a family with these days and there are PLENTY of jobs for SKILLED workers that only pay $9 or $10.

Choices, choices, choices. You are responsible for the choices you make. If you are making only $10 an hour, why are you starting a family? As for the jobs for skilled workers paying $9 or $10 an hour, you need to back that up with examples. I’ve been in the job market for a month now, and the only jobs I have seen earning $10 an hour or less are entry level and unskilled positions. Don’t like the pay, change industries. Entry level insurance claims adjusting positions pay significantly better than $10 an hour, and they will train you.

I was referring to those companies that DON'T pay what a worker is worth,

A worker’s worth is measured by the value he or she brings to the company. Having said that, every position in any company (from CEO down to the janitor) has an economic tipping point at which it is more cost effective to automate, outsource, downsize or otherwise replace an employee who no longer brings a positive value to the company. Fast food workers are in danger of pricing themselves out of a market right now. You can go into a fast food restaurant now, step up to a kiosk, select your own meal, and pay for your meal without interacting with a human until the food preparer hands it to you. I have experienced that myself at a couple of different chains so far, and more will follow suit. Food prep can be automated as well.

but the workers don't really have much of a choice but to work for a low wage OR starve, and many of them are barely eating as it is.

There’s that choices thing again. Everyone has a choice. The number of options you have to choose from depend entirely on your prior choices. Choose wisely.

I definitely didn't mean to offend you, or anyone else, [Daddy Hawk], with my post. ;)

Probably not…you just didn’t think before you blindly posted something ridiculous.

I, myself, have skills, but am not able, at this point, with my health issues, to work enough hours to support myself.

I understand having health issues after taking care of The Queen for the last 8 years or so. I also understand that health issues are often the result of poor choices. It’s not my place to judge your choices, but I can say it might be worthwhile to examine the choices that got you to this point.

I'm hoping that the improvements I'm trying to make will allow me to begin to work soon.

Improvement is good.

I'm working on a disability case until I can get my health back to that point, but I will NOT be able to exist on just disability, even.

It would seem you are existing just fine since you just got married.

My girls are sharing living expenses, and I hope that they do work hard to improve their skills and that they WON'T start families until they either themselves are able to support one, or until their future husbands are able to do so!

Hope doesn’t pay the bills. Teaching your kids the value of hard work and wise choices both through example and daily interaction will reinforce the values you want to instill better than anything else.

Unfortunately, with my health the way it has been for so long, and with me being the ONLY parent around, and no one else really playing a role as mentor, they haven't seen the examples that many kids in the church have been exposed to, of hardworking parents with skills that help them make a good wage, usually of a Father who supports the family with HIS skills and a mother who is able to stay home and be there full time for the kids.

This sounds like an excuse instead of taking responsibility for poor choices. So, where is their father? Whose choice was it to have kids with a deadbeat dad? You have mentors aplenty in the church to steer your kids towards if you will take the time to build those relationships.

We definitely haven't had the ideal life, but God has provided for us in spite of that.

God is merciful that way, but He also likes to see a little initiative and effort on our part.

I pray He will help my girls to learn on their own what they need to know and that they will work hard and keep their health unlike myself. ;)

For them to learn on their own???? Are you blind? How did that work out for you? God put YOU here to teach them and be their example not to let them learn everything the hard way.

Activity Does Not Equal Achievement*

*John Wooden

So far, I've put in for 14 jobs that are within the ballpark of possibilities (and a couple that were stretches). I have my resume out to a couple of other folks in my network that have connections that might help. I've had two, unfruitful interviews and two rejection letters. There are two other jobs in the hopper that I need to apply for tonight.

I will say this though, I really appreciate companies that streamline the application process. Allowing a person to use their LinkedIn profile to apply makes life easier and quicker for everyone involved. Forcing someone at a senior level to fill out an employment application that contains the exact same information as your resume, however, is stupid.

If I could get away with it, I'd chuck it all and go be a gunsmith or welder.

Spent the day at the zoo with The Queen and M&M. Some thoughts:

The Queen is a genius for bringing gel cold packs that fit under my baseball cap and kept my head cool.

Fat women should not wear yoga pants. It's a crime against humanity.

M&M is a delight at the zoo. Standing at the zebra enclosure: "Why won't they come closer? I want to pet them." She wanted to get in the pens more than once. One of these days, there will be a news story of a cute little girl riding a zebra at the zoo. Just wait. It's coming.

If you have a brood of kids hanging off of you or in your arms, get off the stupid cell phone.

In An Effort to Make Up For The Last Post...

...let's try one of my all time favorite Calvin & Hobbes strips.

One day, M&M and I will be having this EXACT discussion. Just wait.

I already tell her that she's mine, I paid for her and have the receipt to prove it. Yes, I will have to stop doing that sometime soon before she starts to understand what that means.

Daddy Hawk's Advice for M&M: Father's Day Edition

I am scheduling this post to appear early Sunday morning since I expect to be fully engaged in a fun filled, mad frenzy of purging, cleaning and packing most of the day for my second official Father's Day.

1. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

        There is no one alive, man or woman, whose opinion of you matters more than your opinion of yourself. Failure is a part of life as much as success is, but failure does not define you anymore than your success does. Michael Jordan was one of the greatest basketball players of my generation, but that didn't make him the best at everything. You have so much potential. I see it everyday. My job as your father (and The Queen's as your mother) is to help you reach that potential by discovering your gifts and helping you develop them.

2. You don't just marry your future spouse, you marry the whole family. Choose wisely. - Daddy Hawk

         A lot of people are so focused on their attraction to their boyfriend or girlfriend that they ignore the lazy, good for nothing, mooch of a future brother in law, the crazy uncle or the step mother who is an identity thief. Don't make the mistake of thinking you can change them or their whole family. Do not think you will be able to cut them away from the herd entirely either. If someone in the extended family represents a problem, make sure you talk about it with your significant other and define some boundaries...and then be prepared to defend those boundaries. Choose wisely.

3. "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction." - Ronald Reagan

         A lot of people fought and died to secure and protect the freedoms we have enjoyed in this country. However, within my own lifetime, I have watched as some of that freedom has slowly faded. With freedom comes responsibility and risk. We have a duty to exercise our freedoms in a responsible way and be cognizant of the risks inherent in those freedoms. Beware of those promising security or change. Those promises come at the price of less freedom.

4. "You can't be right and have peace." - Dr. Keith Elko

         You may win the argument, but you may lose a friend or family member in the process.

5. "A person convinced their will is of the same opinion still." - Dave Ramsey

          This is something do gooders and crusaders have had a hard time grasping over the course of human history. The Spanish Inquisition "converted" a lot of Jews to Christianity until you consider that the only other options were torture and death. A false conversion is not a lasting conversion.

An Early Father's Day Present From M&M

I have the sweetest, smartest little girl in the world. M&M and The Queen were out shopping on Friday as they killed time before Niece Twig's high school graduation.

Somewhere in that sea of 1400 kids is my niece Twig

Amazingly enough, Twig was able to spot us in the crowd and wave to us. It was cute.

Anycrowd, The Queen and M&M picked me up at the office so we could all travel to American Airlines Center together for the graduation ceremony. As they arrived, I was handed a bag with small gift and card. The Queen advised me that M&M picked out both.

First, the gift.

M&M knows Daddy Hawk loves him some airplanes. She picked this one out especially for me, and she could not have done better. The Chance Vought F4U Corsair just happens to be one of my all time favorite aircraft from when I was growing up. The gull wings...the big radial engine...one of the fastest planes of its time...what's not to like? Now that I'm older and have actually flown planes, I know what's not to like. It's still a gorgeous aircraft though. Skipper sits on my desk here at the office now.

But wait...M&M also selected a card for Daddy Hawk. Before I show it to you, you have to know that M&M really did select this one. The Queen showed her a lot of cards, and M&M insisted that THIS card was the one she wanted to get me. Remember...she is still only two and a half years old.

Since she can't read yet, I feel safe in saying that she was thinking that the donkey with the googley eyes was funny.

So, there you have it. Father's Day came early for me. I couldn't be happier (well...short of M&M giving me a 1911...which will require her to have money of her own...which is a ways off). 

A Man Wears a Hat Like That...

So, M&M walks up to me and says something to the effect of "put this on". Okay, I'm game.

Personally, I think it looks much better on her.

Don't you agree?

Tender Moment

I have commented here before about the shear tender hearted sweetness of my daughter. Mere mortals should tremble in fear of their hearts being unable to stand the strain of melting from the awesome power of our fully operational M&M. It's a good thing that I've had two years to work up to this level of daddyhood. Otherwise, I would be a pool of sobbing, slobbering emotionally connected masculinity clutching feebly at my chest trying to figure out why I have no pulse right now.

Truly, I almost feel sorry for the poor schmuck who takes her on her first date. Almost. I might even hire an ambulance crew to follow them around with me and the coroner. Maybe.

Case in point, M&M woke up this morning at around 6:30 just as I was stepping into the shower. Nothing like a blast of cold air on a wet behind from a two year old yanking the shower curtain aside to say "Hi daddy!" to get your attention. She continued to shadow me as I went about my morning routine including following me into the closet where I get dressed. She was amusing herself sitting on the floor and/or crawling around at my feet and otherwise trying to trip me (a trick she has learned from the cat no doubt).

Every once in a while, she would look up at me and say, "Daddy go to work."

I would respond, "Yes, daddy has to go to work."


When I was finishing my dressing routine by buckling my belt, M&M stood up from her spot on the floor, reached up to me with arms outstretched and said, "Hug."

I reached down, picked her up and once again enjoyed the slender little arms embracing my neck and left shoulder. As she tucked her head into the crook of my neck and shoulder, she said "Want you stay home."

I wish I could sweetheart. I wish I could.

More of Daddy Hawk's Advise for M&M

1.    "You are always beholden to someone." Mimi

            Whether we like it or not, no one is truly independent unless they choose to reject society entirely and live life as a hermit. Whether you view it as a responsibility or a common courtesy, there will always be those in your life to whom must keep informed of your intentions and continued existence.

2.  Learn to live on less than you earn.

            If you can do this one simple thing, you will likely never have to worry about money. I am a big fan of Dave Ramsey's message on financial peace and managing your money. I haven't always been successful at implementing that in my own life, but I'm working on it. I would encourage you to learn to live on 50% of your take home income if you can swing it and no more than 70% of your take home pay. That way you will always have your tithe and savings built into your budget.

3. Decide what is important to you in life, and make your choices accordingly.

            This is another episode in learning from Daddy Hawk's mistakes. When I was younger, I never took the time to decide what was important to me. I tended to, and still do to a certain extent, react to circumstances as they arose rather than proactively planning a course of action. Education was important because my mother made it important. It didn't matter what kind of education as long as I got one. Likewise, I never took the time to determine what made me happy and made my life more meaningful. I have always felt the need to build and create; and, yet, I got a degree in liberal arts and pursued a career in a knowledge based service industry. I have been fortunate to have found a wife and been blessed with a daughter who give me tremendous enjoyment and make my life more meaningful. However, there is still a part of me that wants to go back and kick my 15 year old self in the head to wake up and make some intelligent decisions instead of coasting along aimlessly.

4. "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food." Hippocrates (460 to 370 BC)

            In some respects, food has a bigger impact on how you feel than any other thing in your life. A lot of medical and health literature refers to a connection between the mind and the gut. I have found that to be true in my own life. When I am stressed, my gut is upset. Also, food allergies are a huge deal now too. More so than when I was a kid. For myself, when I avoid gluten and caffeine and limit dairy, I feel much better, my skins clears up and my sinus congestion lessens if not disappears entirely. There is a reason The Queen and I have avoided exposing you to the typical "kid diet" of McDonald's chicken McNuggets. We have also tried to provide you with the best food we can lay our hands on and expose you to a wide variety of foods and cooking styles. Keep that in mind as you get older. Food can be very comforting too. There are times when nothing makes you happier than a particular food.

5. Everything in moderation, except moderation.

            Excess and obsession in any aspect of your life can become unhealthy. Gluttony can lead to obesity and serious health issues. Drunkeness and drug addiction have serious side effects in addition to potential legal complications. Spending too much time on social media can lead to problems interacting in the real world. Learn when to stop or say that's enough.

More Advice For M&M

It's been a while since I posted any advice for my daughter. It's not that I've run out of advice to give her. It's just that I've run out of time to think about it, write and polish it. So, here goes:

1.    In general, men and women think and communicate differently. Learn to embrace those differences…and never assume that anyone (male or female) communicates or thinks the same way you do.

2.    “The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.” Proverbs 22:6-8

Credit is one thing. Debt is another thing entirely. Credit opens up options when managed properly. Debt limits options when mismanaged. I have had several discussions lately with couples who either have kids or are thinking of having kids and lament not being able to have one parent or the other be able to stay home with the kids because of debt. Eliminating debt and adjusting lifestyle to live within your means on one income opens up the possibility of doing things because you want to instead of because you have to.

 

Personally, I recommend skipping credit and debt altogether. It is possible to pay cash throughout your life if you plan ahead.

3.    "One size fits all" doesn’t.

What works well for you may not work at all for someone else. If you don’t believe me, ask me to get into a Mazda Miata sometime. It’s not pretty.

4.    Subtle hints don't work well with men. Try using a sledgehammer.

Really. It’s true. Men are simple creatures. If we want a beer, we say, “Would you please get me a beer?” We don’t drop a hint like, “Gee, a beer should be nice right now…” expecting someone to automatically know that our expressed desire for said beer was directed at you in the expectation that you will fulfill said desire. I once knew a guy whose pick up line was “Do you want to [screw]?” Surprisingly, he was successful with that approach more than once. Unsurprisingly, his rejections involved physical violence. The point being, ask a guy directly for what you want instead of vaguely hinting. You’ll see better results that way.

5.    “Life is hard. It’s harder when you’re stupid.” John Wayne (allegedly)

Not knowing something is one thing. That can be fixed. Being willfully ignorant because you don’t want to know or, worse, ignore facts you know to be true because they don’t fit your preconceived notions of the way things should be is quite another thing entirely and quite hard to fix I might add.