Source Material

The Queen has been out on her annual fall trek through the thrift stores hunting clothing and other apparel for our upcoming trip (hopefully Haweewee if it doesn't get blown off the map by the hurricane currently spinning up in the Pacific). So, she sends me a text at the office with the a photo of the following t-shirt:

She allowed as how it was the perfect shirt for me...since I typically refuse to accept much of anything without critically assessing the facts and source material.

I can't help it. I come by my flaw honestly as I was trained that way by a wise, old, Jesuit priest turned history professor in my history methodology class. The man had to be in his 70s at least at the time, and that was...more than a few years ago. Let's just say, if that man is still creeping around this old mud ball, I'm shooting him in the head on general principle. You can't be too careful to prevent a zombie outbreak.

God will sort it out.

Anyspeculation, there was a point to this post. I'm sure of it.

Oh yes...critical assessment of facts and source material.

That old Jesuit had all us wannabe history majors do a project (a research paper really) the main point of which was an annotated bibliography. He didn't really care what the subject of the paper was as long as the bibliography was annotated with a critical assessment of the source material including whether it was primary, secondary, tertiary, etc. He also wanted us to take it a step further and assess whether the source material exhibited any bias (this came back to bite me in the butt with my African history professor, but that's a story for another time).

Fast forward mumble, mumble years, and that is one the lessons that has stuck with me to this day. Unfortunately, I think this lesson has been lost on an entire generation (or more) of people.

Case on point. The other night, I come home from work to find two, brand new, freshly purchased boxes of Cheerios (M&M's preferred breakfast cereal) on a pile of stuff being gathered for donation. I queried The Queen as to the reason suspecting something was afoot.

The Queen informed me that my father-in-law, Opa, had told her that he had read an article somewhere that claimed Cheerios contained dangerous levels of a particular pesticide residue. Opa is one of those people for whom a little information is a dangerous thing (no, seriously, he's never met an internet scare of conspiracy theory that he hasn't latched onto). He really should not be let loose with an internet connection without a minder.

This revelation, as one would expect, caused my eyebrows to raise and set off my facial tics just a touch.

I set about investigating the claim du juor. Opa was questioned regarding the source of the Cheerios Challenge. After much fumbling about the dustier corners of his memory, we were able to tease out the source of the pesticide proposition. It was a news article from the Detroit Free Press linked to from the Natural News website referring to a study done by a group called Environmental Working Group.

Now we were getting somewhere. I start doing my due diligence on EWG. EWG claims to be a non-profit, non-partisan organization dedicated to protecting human health and the environment. A laudable goal to be sure. Funding is primarily from grants and individuals. Notable names among the donor list is the Walton Family Foundation (think Sam Walton of Wal-Mart fame) and The Turner Foundation (Ted Turner - CNN Founder). They also have corporate partnerships with many of the bigger names in organic foods.

Nothing about this is particularly alarming. It's not like George Soros or the Koch Brothers are involved. Having said that, did I mention EWG has a lobbying arm? Silly me. That must have slipped my mind. And regarding what issues do they lobby? Environmental, agricultural, food, toxic chemicals, etc.

So, they are environmental advocates. Again, nothing particularly wrong with that, but it could color their findings on certain topics or influence their reporting of facts. We'll get back to that in a minute.

I tracked down the article EWG posted about glysophate levels in foods. Glysophate, for the uninitiated, is the evil active ingredient in RoundUp (created by the nefarious mega corporation Monsanto...yes, I'm being a tad tongue in cheek). It seems that EWG commissioned a laboratory study of glysophate levels in common breakfast cereals. The article published by EWG reporting the results of the lab study started with a link to a recent California jury verdict in which Monsanto was ordered to pay $289 million to a plaintiff dying of cancer allegedly caused by exposure to glysophate. They then get into a discussion of the levels of glysophate in food allowed by the California Office of Environmental Health Hazard Assessment (1.1 milligrams per day for a 154 pound average person), the EPA (not specifically noted by referenced to be 60 times higher than the CA state allowable level) and the EWG's calculated "one in a million" cancer risk of 0.01 milligrams per day.

The original article I read did not "show their work" on the math, but it seems to have been corrected as they now report that a person would have to eat a 60 gram serving of food exceeding 160 parts per billion glysophate concentration to reach their calculated risk level of 0.01 millgrams per day (which, by the way, is 110 times lower than the  level the state of California says is too much which in turn is 60 times lower than what the EPA says is too much). So, just to put a bow on the math, EWG is saying that the safe level of glysophate in foods SHOULD be 6600 times lower than the level currently allowed by the EPA. They don't make a convincing case for why the level should be 6600 times lower than the EPA or 110 times lower than the state of California. Instead, they seem content to make the argument that it is a chemical linked to cancer and is therefore bad in any quantity.

For the record, I'm not volunteering to drink or otherwise consume 1.056 million parts per billion (that's 160 parts per billion times 6600) concentrations of glysophate in my daily Cheerios; and, truthfully, EWG may not be wrong in their conclusion. I just take issue with the manner in which they are presenting their information.

Back to the report on the study results. First off, the article currently on their website has been drastically revised from the version I read a few days ago, and I really wish I had a screen capture or PDF copy of the original to compare and contrast. The current version shows that EWG took samples of 45 conventional breakfast cereals and 16 organic breakfast cereals and tested them for glysophate concentration. They then report the test results in concentration parts per billion for each sample. All fine and dandy so far. Where things really went off the rails in the original article was that samples results were grouped according to which ones had unsafe levels (color coded in red...for contrast I'm sure). The thing that really bugged me in the original was that  they did not make it clear that the table of results categorized each product according to EWG's much lower concentration level.

To clarify further, the report starts out talking about concentration levels in milligrams per weight before  shifting to parts per billion in the lab results table. The revised article does now provide a brief conversion from milligrams per serving to parts per billions, but the original article did not.

Even in the revised article, if someone is not reading carefully, they might miss that critical distinction. The skeptic in me suspects that was EWG's intent in order to advocate for a new, lower standard for safe concentration levels.

Another, in my opinion, glaring omission from EWG's article is the results of other scientific testing on glysophate, a discussion of the MSDS sheet on the chemical, etc. For instance, it took me literally seconds to find out that the WHO and UN studies on glysophate determined that mammal animal models suggest that concentrations as high as 2000 milligrams per kilogram of  body weight was not associated with genotoxic effects. There's more detail out there than I'm willing to transcribe or cut and paste here. Bottom line is that you would probably have to ingest enough to drown yourself before you'd be at a legitimate risk of getting cancer, and you'd probably puke it up before you got close to those dosage levels.

After I pointed out these little details, the Cheerios mysteriously reappeared in the pantry.

Now, this is just one little drop of questionable information in a practical galactic ocean of information floating around the internet. Why should you care? Well, the president attacks CNN almost daily accusing them of being fake news. Fox News claims to be fair & balanced. Alex Jones gets banned from social media for making wild claims reported as news. For every EWG, there is a company or interest group lobbying for the opposite position. And let's not forget all those companies out there trying to make a buck selling snake oil and legitimate products.

Everyone, it seems, is publishing information at the speed of light. The incredible quantity of information being published everyday makes it impossible to fact check it all. That is why it is so incredibly important to learn to critically assess source material.

So, the next time you hear someone ranting about the latest scandal, conspiracy theory, social justice melt down...etc. Take a step back and dig into the source material with a critical eye. I'd bet that, more often than not, you'll find discrepancies in the reporting that will be most illuminating.

Advice for M&M

1. "Murphy hates you. Personally." - LawDog 

See Murphy's Law. Most people don't know this, but there really was a Murphy. According to the generally accepted story, he was an engineer working on the program to develop the first jet aircraft ejection seats. While he never uttered the infamous and eponymous law in it's currently accepted form, he did say something that evoked the spirit of the law which was later paraphrased and attributed to him. 

2. Gravity sucks. Corollary - it's not just a good idea, it's a law.

3. Treat electricity with respect. See #1. Remind me one of these days to tell you the story of why I never trusted Granddaddy Aubrey. If anyone ever asks you to hold a spark plug wire, the answer is an emphatic "NO!!!" unless they agree that you will be holding it against their most sensitive anatomy.

4. Behind every warning label is an idiot with a lawyer. As the saying goes, I'm not advocating killing all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warnings and let nature take its course. 

5. "Be nice until it's time to not be nice" Patrick Swayze as John Dalton in Roadhouse. The United States Marine Corps General John Mattis version is also instructive: "Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet."

6. There is no moral superiority in being a dead victim. God makes allowances for self defense, and turning the other cheek has nothing to do with meekly waiting for a bullet or a knife. If attacked, fight like you are the third monkey in line for the ark...and brother it's starting to rain. 

7. "It is easy to critique in leisure what a person had to do in haste." YouTuber/Firearms Trainer Paul Harrell

The longer version of this quote in the same video discussing the 1986 Miami FBI Shootout is: "It's very easy with the leisure of years to think about it what others did when they had seconds to decide on a course of action." Corollary: Hindsight is 20/20. Learn from the mistakes of other, and be thankful you didn't have to make that mistake yourself. However, don't fall into the trap of thinking you could/would have done better under the same circumstances. 

8. Napoleon Bonaparte's maxim, "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake". 

More Advice for M&M

1. “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

Sadly, after almost 50 years, the pendulum has swung to the other extreme in which all white people are presumed to be racist simply because they are white.

2. “Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still.” Dale Carnegie

You never win an argument even if you are "right".

3. "The world is made for average sized people." - Daddy Hawk

Short people and tall people alike are forced to deal with a world that was not designed with them in mind. I have had three concussions that bear witness to this simple truth.

4. "Beware the man driving an old, beat up, pickup truck." - Daddy Hawk

Odds are close to even money that he's not afraid to put another dent in the truck if you drive like a jerk.

Corollary to 4. Right of way is something you yield, not something you take.

5. “No man’s life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.” – Mark Twain

Wisdom From M&M

And now for something a little different. Not completely different, mind you. Like a penguin on your telly. That would be copyright infringement.

The Queen posted this on her Facebook page today quoting our lovely, now, 5 year old wunderkind, M&M:

"When people stop hugging, they stop loving."

I tell you what, that little girl has a lot of wisdom in her little brain. She gets it from her mom, The Queen.

I've always been a touchy, feely kind of guy (not in the pervy sense), and I never pass up a good hug. Once upon a time, I believe I had just turned 16, my dad was dropping me off at the house following some event. He stuck his hand out to me to shake my hand instead of reaching to give me a hug like he had done for the previous 16 years. I looked at him like he had just grown a second set of nostrils on an extra pair of noses. His reasoning: he thought I wouldn't want to hug him now that I was old enough to drive.

I proceeded to disabuse him of that notion.

I plan on hugging that little girl every chance I get for as long as she will allow it. Somehow, I don't think she will ever decide that she doesn't need a hug from the old man.

Advice for M&M

It’s been a while since I’ve posted any advice for my daughter. It’s not that I’ve run out of advice. It’s just that my time to record such thoughts (among other ideas) has been at a severe premium. So, without further ado my wonderful daughter, here is some much needed advice in a tumultuous, post-election (or apocalyptic depending on your perspective) world.

FYI, a lot of these were shamelessly stolen/modified from The Big Guy’s “Moving On” post at Listen to Uncle Jay.

1)      Yoga pants are the fabric equivalent of body paint. A modest, Christian woman (such as The Queen and I are attempting to raise you to be) would not wear them in public. If you choose to ignore this advice, do not be surprised when men stare at your body.

2)      Communicate concisely and clearly. Lead with the issue or question. THEN give details. That gives your audience a foundation upon which to listen and process the information you are giving them.

3)      If you’re done with something, put it away. That way, you know where to find it, and it’s out of the way.

4)      If something is broken, label it, fix it or toss it.

5)      Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules. Once upon a time, an AVP at a major insurance company told me “I don’t care if it’s right, I just want it done.” I told him I was not willing to do that as I would be the first person deposed when things went south and the sum total of my testimony would be: “Mr. AVP instructed me to do X despite my warnings that it violated basic ethical considerations.”

6)      Leave early for the airport. It’s better to cool your heels at the gate sipping a drink than be stuck in a traffic jam watching your plane take off.

7)      Take time to enjoy your surroundings when you travel for business. The Queen used to tell me how lucky I was to have a job that involved regular travel. I told her how lucky I felt to see the inside of a hotel room and a conference room in a variety of glamourous locales like Beaumont, TX, Willmar, MN or Davenport, IA. That’s not to say I haven’t traveled to interesting places for business and haven’t taken advantage of coming in early or staying late to see some of the sights, but it is not always possible with work and life commitments.

8)      Travel light and make your luggage stand out of the crowd. Once upon a time, The Queen and I were on a train bound for London, England when the conductor informed us we had less than 5 minutes to move ourselves and our luggage forward 6 train cars unless we wanted to be stuck in the part of the train that was NOT going to London. The Queen does not know how to pack light; and, on this particular trip, I had packed heavy as well. We had two heavy suitcases, a couple of smaller bags and an odd shaped box containing a beautiful porcelain doll that we had to lug up the narrow aisles of the train as quickly as possible. We made it…barely.

9)      You are not superwoman. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Advice for M&M's Future Suitors

1) Come to the door.

Go on. Honk the horn from the curb. I dare you.

2) Dress nicely.

If I see your underwear, I will pull it up over your head and tie it off to your shoelaces.

3) Show respect.

Both for M&M and for The Queen and me. DISrespect will be dealt with...harshly.

4) Speak clearly and use proper English.

Proper pronunciation and enunciation is your friend. Everything you say can and will be used against you. Gutter slang, Ebonics, mumbling and foul language will not be tolerated.

5) You will be background checked. Deal with it.

6) If I see you in the news, it had better be for saving kittens or something equally worthy.

If the article or story mentions you and the words "perpetrator" or "suspect" in the same sentence, walk away now while you still can.

Spotted on Facebook

I saw this photo on the book of face yesterday, and I don't think I've ever seen a better distillation of my thoughts on racial issues than this. According to the original posting on FB, this photo was credited to www.tonystiles.com. I didn't chase links to confirm that. So, take it for what that's worth.

Besides...everyone knows that the green M&Ms are the best.

Update

Not much to report on the job search front. At last count, I've put out 20 or 21 job applications and received 5 formal rejections. In addition, I am working with several recruiters and a couple of people in my extended business associate network. The brightest possibilities are a recruiter with an AVP position in Dallas and a business associate with a yet to be defined possibility in Fort Worth. The AVP position is with a company where I still know several people including one of the VPs. It's a good company, and I can see myself being happy in the role. I am reportedly one of three candidates currently under consideration, but it is a nationwide search and there is no indication of when they will be moving to interview stage.

The other deal, despite being somewhat nebulous and undefined at the moment, has some advantages as well. Hopefully, one or more dominoes will start falling soon.

In other news, The Queen and I were forced to file third degree felony theft charges against someone yesterday for the first time in our lives. I can't go into details yet, but the short of it is that we were the victims of a con artist. There are aspects of the situation that would make your blood boil were I to share. "Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord"....but, let's just say I'd be happy to arrange a meeting.

Lots of lessons learned and relearned out of this experience. In this digital age, the information is out there. You just have to know where to look, how to look and take the time to be thorough. Don't do business with anyone you haven't thoroughly vetted. Big deals (if you can't afford to lose, it's a big deal) should include a background check especially if things don't pass the smell test.

As I told The Queen last night, it's easy to spot evil when it's walking down the street shooting people left and right. It's real hard to spot it when it sits down, siddles up next to you and smiles.

Abraham Lincoln said it even better: "You can fool all of the people some of the time...." This was our time.

We are resigned to the fact that we will likely never see our property again or the money that was promised (if we do, that's a bonus). Our goal is to simply insure that the thief can't do this again to anyone else. There are two other felony theft cases pending against him which we really wish we had found before we entered into an agreement with him (we would have found it if we had searched for Stephen instead of Steve). He's currently under a deferred adjudication order in another county for theft charges there. He's also being sued in civil court by someone else for circumstances nearly identical to ours (I'm in contact with that attorney trying to convince them to file criminal charges as well).

If you are in the Dallas/Fort Worth area and want to know who to avoid, send me an email. I'll be happy to share the name, court case references, etc.

Tilting at Liberals

The Queen has a habit of chatting up ministers at church and then dropping a seemingly innocuous but very serious spiritual question on them putting them on the spot and generally making them VERY uncomfortable. Especially when they know the Biblical answer to the question is contrary to what they've been teaching and allowing in their congregation...and they don't want to admit it. I call it "tilting at ministers" (it's a Don Quixote-esque game of mental torture if you've never witnessed a rabid Ginger sink her teeth into someone who should know better than to poke the red head). 

Anyway, I told you that to sort of explain the title for today's post. 

I was perusing Facebook during lunch yesterday and came across a status from a church aquaintance. The status was a comment on a shared image. The image was from the National Low Income Housing Association or some such and stated that "Nowhere in the US can you rent a two bedroom apartment on 40 hours a week earning minimum wage." The aquaintance's comment was something along the lines that business owners are big, greedy, godless creatures who need to care about people and pay their employees more. 

Well, since I tend to sit on the far right side of the spectrum on most issues...especially economic/financial ones...I just had to go tilting at the liberal. My comment in response is as follows:

"First off, minimum wage is not supposed to be a "living" wage. It is an government required, artificial wage rate for unskilled labor most typically earned by teenagers still living at home. 

Second, this idea that business owners are somehow evil just because they pay a politically mandated minimum wage for unskilled labor ignores the fact that the employer is taking a RISK in providing a job and training the person to perform a task (and giving that person job skills in the process) all while trying to make a profit so that the business owner can continue to stay in business and provide the jobs that everyone seems to believe don't pay enough. 

Thirdly, name me ONE job that requires trade skills or a college degree that pays minimum wage. Higher wages are earned by putting in the time and effort to better yourself to make yourself move valuable (and hence more productive) to an employer. 

My first job was as a warehouse/stocker/janitor earning the then minimum wage of $4.25 an hour. I lived at home and then in the dorm at college. The first time I had an apartment where I paid rent, I was single and sharing it with a friend. I kept busting my rear at work to gain skills and raises until I could afford a place of my own. 

I didn't buy a car until I could afford it. I didn't get a cell phone until I could afford it. I didn't go out and start a family when I couldn't afford it. I didn't buy a house until I could afford it. 

People seem to have developed this idea that they are entitled to money, benefits, cars, toys, a big house and a lot more without the putting in the effort to earn it. God sees it differently. 2 Thessalonians 3:10 says "...any man who will not work, neither let him eat."

My comment will likely offend several people. If that causes you grief, I apologize for that. But, I stand by what I say and won't apologize for speaking the truth as I see it."

I then proceeded to post my little shot across the bow on my own Facebook page just in case my words of wisdom were not well received and subsequently deleted by said acquaintance. Such would be intolerable. It's gotten fairly favorable responses so far, and a couple of people of like mind have seen fit to share it on their walls as well. 

I figured, heck, if it's getting good feedback on Facebook, why not use it as blog material? Hence, here we are.

You're welcome.

Daddy Hawk's Advice to M&M: Part? (I Lost Count)

1. "Never borrow money for a depreciating asset." Dave Ramsey (and others)
     Tamara Keel said it slightly better: "Never pay money to lose money." The basic concept is that, if you can't pay cash for something, you can't afford it. The only thing that approaches an exception to this is real estate; and, even there, not all real estate is created equal when it comes to appreciating/depreciating in value. If the interest rate you are paying on the loan is not less than that rate at which the property is appreciating, you are losing money.

2. "Be where your feet are." Dr. Kevin Elko
     I had a chance to hear Dr. Elko speak recently, and he is a very engaging speaker. The essence of his advice here is to not let your mind be distant or distracted. This is something I've struggled with for years as my mind has a tendency to wander down rabbit trails. It vexes The Queen something fierce. Cell phones, iPads/tablets, social media, and epidemic levels of "ADHD" only make this problem worse.

3. "If you chose not to decide, you still have made a choice." Rush - "Free Will"
     Indecision is nothing more than making the unconscious decision to allow circumstances to make your choices for you.

More of Daddy Hawk's Advise for M&M

1.    "You are always beholden to someone." Mimi

            Whether we like it or not, no one is truly independent unless they choose to reject society entirely and live life as a hermit. Whether you view it as a responsibility or a common courtesy, there will always be those in your life to whom must keep informed of your intentions and continued existence.

2.  Learn to live on less than you earn.

            If you can do this one simple thing, you will likely never have to worry about money. I am a big fan of Dave Ramsey's message on financial peace and managing your money. I haven't always been successful at implementing that in my own life, but I'm working on it. I would encourage you to learn to live on 50% of your take home income if you can swing it and no more than 70% of your take home pay. That way you will always have your tithe and savings built into your budget.

3. Decide what is important to you in life, and make your choices accordingly.

            This is another episode in learning from Daddy Hawk's mistakes. When I was younger, I never took the time to decide what was important to me. I tended to, and still do to a certain extent, react to circumstances as they arose rather than proactively planning a course of action. Education was important because my mother made it important. It didn't matter what kind of education as long as I got one. Likewise, I never took the time to determine what made me happy and made my life more meaningful. I have always felt the need to build and create; and, yet, I got a degree in liberal arts and pursued a career in a knowledge based service industry. I have been fortunate to have found a wife and been blessed with a daughter who give me tremendous enjoyment and make my life more meaningful. However, there is still a part of me that wants to go back and kick my 15 year old self in the head to wake up and make some intelligent decisions instead of coasting along aimlessly.

4. "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food." Hippocrates (460 to 370 BC)

            In some respects, food has a bigger impact on how you feel than any other thing in your life. A lot of medical and health literature refers to a connection between the mind and the gut. I have found that to be true in my own life. When I am stressed, my gut is upset. Also, food allergies are a huge deal now too. More so than when I was a kid. For myself, when I avoid gluten and caffeine and limit dairy, I feel much better, my skins clears up and my sinus congestion lessens if not disappears entirely. There is a reason The Queen and I have avoided exposing you to the typical "kid diet" of McDonald's chicken McNuggets. We have also tried to provide you with the best food we can lay our hands on and expose you to a wide variety of foods and cooking styles. Keep that in mind as you get older. Food can be very comforting too. There are times when nothing makes you happier than a particular food.

5. Everything in moderation, except moderation.

            Excess and obsession in any aspect of your life can become unhealthy. Gluttony can lead to obesity and serious health issues. Drunkeness and drug addiction have serious side effects in addition to potential legal complications. Spending too much time on social media can lead to problems interacting in the real world. Learn when to stop or say that's enough.

More Advice For M&M

It's been a while since I posted any advice for my daughter. It's not that I've run out of advice to give her. It's just that I've run out of time to think about it, write and polish it. So, here goes:

1.    In general, men and women think and communicate differently. Learn to embrace those differences…and never assume that anyone (male or female) communicates or thinks the same way you do.

2.    “The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.” Proverbs 22:6-8

Credit is one thing. Debt is another thing entirely. Credit opens up options when managed properly. Debt limits options when mismanaged. I have had several discussions lately with couples who either have kids or are thinking of having kids and lament not being able to have one parent or the other be able to stay home with the kids because of debt. Eliminating debt and adjusting lifestyle to live within your means on one income opens up the possibility of doing things because you want to instead of because you have to.

 

Personally, I recommend skipping credit and debt altogether. It is possible to pay cash throughout your life if you plan ahead.

3.    "One size fits all" doesn’t.

What works well for you may not work at all for someone else. If you don’t believe me, ask me to get into a Mazda Miata sometime. It’s not pretty.

4.    Subtle hints don't work well with men. Try using a sledgehammer.

Really. It’s true. Men are simple creatures. If we want a beer, we say, “Would you please get me a beer?” We don’t drop a hint like, “Gee, a beer should be nice right now…” expecting someone to automatically know that our expressed desire for said beer was directed at you in the expectation that you will fulfill said desire. I once knew a guy whose pick up line was “Do you want to [screw]?” Surprisingly, he was successful with that approach more than once. Unsurprisingly, his rejections involved physical violence. The point being, ask a guy directly for what you want instead of vaguely hinting. You’ll see better results that way.

5.    “Life is hard. It’s harder when you’re stupid.” John Wayne (allegedly)

Not knowing something is one thing. That can be fixed. Being willfully ignorant because you don’t want to know or, worse, ignore facts you know to be true because they don’t fit your preconceived notions of the way things should be is quite another thing entirely and quite hard to fix I might add.

A Quick Thought on Parenting

The Queen and I have been chatting here of late about the nature of parenting. It's been a discussion born of our experience fostering and then adopting through the foster care system. The Queen, being the humble soul that she is, remains concerned about how M&M sees her and whether she is being a good mommy to her.

I, being the dutiful husband/father, have assured The Queen on many occasions that she is, in fact, a terrific mother. The only mother M&M has ever truly known.

Then, I had a sudden fit of clarity if you want to call it that.

I told The Queen that being a parent has nothing to do with the blood, but it has everything to do with the love.

M&M sees us as her parents not because of any genetic bond. She sees us as her parents because we genuinely care for her and her well being, we praise her and set boundaries for her, we comfort her and make her feel safe, we hug her and kiss her and call her George.

We also provide for her physical needs, but that has nothing do with how she sees us as parents. She is too young to be materialistic. She has no idea whether the clothes she wears are designer labels or not. She has no idea whether the food we feed her is organic or conventionally raised. The only thing she cares about at this point is that she is with us.

It's just my opinion, but I think the world would be a better place if people put more emphasis on the love and less on the blood and material things.

More Advice For M&M

It's been a while since I've posted some advice for M&M. So, what's a Daddy Hawk to do?

1. Never rush a miracle. You're liable to wind up with a rotten miracle.

I'm loosely paraphrasing the Miracle Max line from The Princess Bride here. The essence of the idea is that we all, from time to time, look for or desperately need a miracle in our lives. When you're busy storming the castle, it's hard not to try and rush the miracle. The truth is that you can't rush a miracle. You have to be patient and wait for it. It'll get there in it's own good time. Besides, if it came on demand, it wouldn't really be a miracle would it?

2. K.I.S.S. (keep it simple stupid)

Don't make things overly complicated. Life is difficult enough without turning it into a Rube Goldberg device.

3. Learn how to "shave" with Occam's Razor.

In general, the simplest explanation that accounts for the facts of a given situation is most likely the correct explanation.

4. Always address your elders or those in positions of authority with respect (even when they don't necessarily deserve it).

You can learn a lot from your elders if you'll be polite, shut up and listen. Also, police officers and other authority figures tend to respond to disrespectful behavior in unpleasant ways.

5. Never smart off to your flight instructor.

They already think you are trying to kill them, and they are looking for an excuse to return the favor.

6. First and foremost, fly the plane.

I learned to fly at the same time I learned to drive. One of the first things I was taught was that taking care of the really important things like keeping the plane in the air took priority over less important things like talking on the radio or picking my nose.

Not Feeling It Today...

...; and, yet, I promised to post content everyday this month.

SoOOoo....

I think I will leave you with this pearl of wisdom from the CEO of my company:

At a certain age, you never pass up a bathroom and never trust a fart. 

Some More Advice for M&M

1. Never trust a politician who actively runs for office.

2. If you choose to participate in the political process (through voting, holding office or jury duty), think very carefully before advocating for the spending of other people's money. It has to come from taxes somewhere.

3. Please allow me to dispel you of the illusion that any political party has your best interests at heart. They are only interested in one thing: power.

4. No one gets elected anymore without help. Look past the politician and find out who is pulling the strings or has their hand out.

5. "Trust, but verify." - Ronald Reagan (I think). This applies to Russians, politicians, statisticians, preachers, professors, reporters and pretty much everyone. In other words, don't take someone else's word for something without a little fact checking.

6. TANSTAAFL - "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch." - Usually attributed to Robert Heinlein but actually predates his work. Nothing is free. Someone, somewhere, somewhen paid a price in money, energy, effort, time or some other commodity to produce or use an item.

Blood and More Advice for M&M

Well, it's official. We had our first semi-major boo boo involving M&M.

She is at that stage where she is climbing up on anything and everything she can reach. We were at The Queen's brother's place where there is a nifty bench next to the dining room table. M&M had succeeded and scrambling up on to the bench and was attempting to get a leg up on the table when The Queen and I (we were both otherwise occuppied in getting ready for the day) discovered the situation.

I said, "M&M No!" as I was dashing from the kitchen to the table.

That apparently spooked poor M&M who slid off the bench to the concrete slab floor where she landed semi-cat like on her tummy. She commenced to crying, and Daddy Hawk (feeling like a complete goober) picked her up to comfort her.

M&M had just snuggled into my shoulder for some Daddy comfort while sobbing pitifully when The Queen urgently said, "Give her to me!"

I said, "What?"

She more emphatically said, "Just give her!!"

Okay, okay...I can take a hint. I thought she was pissed at me until I glanced at my shoulder and noticed a half dollar sized red spot of M&M's blood on my dress shirt.

Oh poop.

Somewhere on the slid down to the floor, M&M busted her lip open and was bleeding to beat the band.

Let me tell you, there is not much that will make you feel worse as a new father than seeing your child bleeding and feeling somewhat responsible for the situation.

All is well, though. No busted teeth, bruises or permanent damage. And...she still loves her daddy despite him being a moron.

Now, on to the advice:

1) "A bad marriage is a whole lot worse than no marriage at all." - David Burson, deceased.

Mr. Burson was the minister that counseled The Queen and I for marriage. He had some amazingly good insight into our relationship despite having only known us for a few months at the time we were counseling with him. He is also the minister most responsible for my spiritual awakening. I miss him a lot.

2) "The Truth of God is simple. Love God. Love your neighbor. How hard is that?" - David Burson, deceased.

That sentence more than any other brought home to me the full meaning of The Bible. When you really think about it, that pretty much sums up the Christian way of life.

3) “A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.” - Robert Heinlein

RAH had a lot of good things to say that are worth listening to. He also had some ideas about sexuality that I don't necessarily endorse; but, then again, no one is perfect.

4) "99% of the women on the planet have no need for makeup. It won't help the other 1% one bit." - Daddy Hawk

As an aside, it tastes funny too.


5) "Showing everyone your belly button at age 16 months is cute and adorable. Showing the world your belly button at age 16 years will get you grounded." - Daddy Hawk   There really is no need for that, and it's not wise to make Daddy Hawk's trigger finger twitchy.

An Obituary to be Envied

Not mine of course. Candance at Crazy Texas Mommy got around to writing an obit for her recently deceased father-in-law. I may have to commission her to write mine if she is still alive at the time of my inevitable and hopefully long overdue demise. That's assuming I can't find the person who wrote this obit supposedly published in 2006. I say supposedly because I found it on Neal Boortz's website sometime back, and he was known to put up the odd bit of fictional humor from time to time. So, take it for the grain of salt that it is.

Frederic Arthur (Fred) Clark, who had tired of reading obituaries noting other's courageous battles with this or that disease, wanted it known that he lost his battle as a result of an automobile accident on June 18, 2006. True to Fred's personal style, his final hours were spent joking with medical personnel while he whimpered, cussed, begged for narcotics and bargained with God to look over his wife and kids. He loved his family. His heart beat faster when his wife of 37 years Alice Rennie Clark entered the room and saddened a little when she left. His legacy was the good works performed by his sons, Frederic Arthur Clark III and Andrew Douglas Clark MD, PhD., along with Andy's wife, Sara Morgan Clark. Fred's back straightened and chest puffed out when he heard the Star Spangled Banner and his eyes teared when he heard Amazing Grace. He wouldn't abide self important tight *censored*. Always an interested observer of politics, particularly what the process does to its participants, he was amused by politician's outrage when we lie to them and amazed at what the voters would tolerate. His final wishes were "throw the bums out and don't elect lawyers" (though it seems to make little difference). During his life he excelled at mediocrity. He loved to hear and tell jokes, especially short ones due to his limited attention span. He had a life long love affair with bacon, butter, cigars and bourbon. You always knew what Fred was thinking much to the dismay of his friend and family. His sons said of Fred, "he was often wrong, but never in doubt". When his family was asked what they remembered about Fred, they fondly recalled how Fred never peed in the shower - on purpose. He died at MCV Hospital and sadly was deprived of his final wish which was to be run over by a beer truck on the way to the liquor store to buy booze for a double date to include his wife, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter to crash an ACLU cocktail party. In lieu of flowers, Fred asks that you make a sizable purchase at your local ABC store or Virginia winery (please, nothing French - the *censored*) and get rip roaring drunk at home with someone you love or hope to make love to. Word of caution though, don't go out in public to drink because of the alcohol related laws our elected officials have passed due to their inexplicable terror at the sight of a MADD lobbyist and overwhelming compulsion to meddle in our lives. No funeral or service is planned. However, a party will be held to celebrate Fred's life. It will be held in Midlothian, Va. Email fredsmemory@yahoo.com for more information. Fred's ashes will be fired from his favorite cannon at a private party on the Great Wicomico River where he had a home for 25 years. Additionally, all of Fred's friend (sic) will be asked to gather in a phone booth, to be designated in the future, to have a drink and wonder, "Fred who?"

Published in the Richmond Times-Dispatch on 7/9/2006.

Daddy Hawk's Advice For M&M

I seem to recall that the gentleman that wrote Life's Little Instruction Book did so for his son as a way of recording his accumulated wisdom so that his son could refer to it when he needed it most. That seems like a really good idea to me, and I think I will just have to shamelessly flatter his work by imitating it. Some of the wisdom I will be sharing here will be familiar to you since there really is nothing new under the sun. I will try to credit sources where known. Feel free to note sources for unattributed wisdom in the comments. This will probably become an ongoing feature. Or it might not. We shall see.

1. Every rule has an exception except the rule that there is an exception to every rule for which there is no exception.

Corollary to 1. An amazing number of people try to justify their own bad decisions or behavior by claiming that they are an exception to the rule.

A Happy Queen and Her Princess on a Beautiful Day

 2. Despite what your momma told you, violence does solve problems. (Company motto - Craft International).

Did I Mention That I Know Where to Get M&M Her First Rifle?

Corollary to 2. The judicious and moderated application of time and bourbon makes most problems seem less important.

OOOhhhhh....aaaaHHHHH!!! What Problems? I have no idea what you are talking about.

3. Immature young people use foul language to come across more like an adult.

Corollary to 3. Adults avoid using foul language so they don't come across as an immature young person.

Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter

4. It is better to be judged by 12 than to be carried by 6.

Corollary to 4. Juries are not known for their intelligence or wisdom...they couldn't even get out of jury duty.

This Court has a Rather Broad Interpretation of a Jury of One's Peers.

5. Keep your eyes on the road, but check the rear view mirror once in a while. You never know what you might see.

Fear Not...Mimi Was Holding The Wheel

6. Life is a long journey. It helps to have a friend or two along for the ride.

M&M With a New Friend (courtesy of Mimi)

7. Never pass up an opportunity to take a nap. You never know when you might need the rest.

Old Wisdom

"State interference is an evil, where it cannot be shown to be a good. Universal insurance, if desired, can be better and more cheaply accomplished by private enterprise. " Oliver Wendel Holmes, The Common Law.