Sunday, February 1, 2015

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

With my apologies to AC/DC.

Still bupkis on the permanent job search front. The last rejection email is making my eye twitch a little. So, I thought I would endeavor to jump start my entrepreneurial spirit a little with a price list for services I am willing to render. All services provided in the greater Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex. Other locations negotiable subject to travel and mileage fees.

Babysitting - $50 per hour per child (you supply the duct tape)

Concrete Shoes - $100 per pair ($150 for lace up)

Divorce Settlement Mediation - $500 (double if children are involved)

Dog Shaming - $10 ($15 for large breeds)

Malicious Yenta - free of charge with a $100 retraction fee

Matchmaking - $50 per couple (double for nerds)

Neckties - $10 Windsor / $20 Bowtie

Political Campaign Manager - $1000 per hour plus travel expenses

Political Campaign Promise Writer - $100 per promise

Political Campaign Promise Enforcer - cost plus 10%

Toilet cleaning - $25 each ($50 for failure to courtesy flush and bad aim)

Wake Up Calls - $5 each 5:00 AM Central and later ($5 each additional minute before 5:00AM)

Yenta - $5 plus unlimited hot tea

Additional services subject to negotiation and availability

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