Speaking of Product Testers...

Chester recently went in for his lopitoffame procedure. Poor guy. He'd really taken a...special...liking to his sister. Alas, their love will be forever a strictly platonic love from now on.

Any incest...

As you would expect, Chester was sent home wearing the cone of shame.

Higher than a kite, but getting great reception. 

He was so pathetic that first day. He'd go outside and try to sniff out a spot in the yard to pee. Trot, trot, trot, head down, cone/face plant, screeching halt, SNIFF!! Lift head, watch leaves and dirt fall out of the cone. Lather, rinse, repeat. After the drugs wore off though...

He didna like it.

Not one bit.

So, being an avid DIY type and closet Pinterest scanner, we gave the pool noodle "clown collar" a go. My niece, I Do It, had reported good success with Chester's brother Doc using a clown collar a few weeks previously.

This is actually version 2.0. Version 1.0 was the same color but using a smaller diameter noodle. The smaller noodle was an immediate fail defeated by Chester's long neck and tongue in seconds. Well, version 2.0 didn't fare any better. So, we attempted a version 3.0 by doubling up the narrower and larger diameter noodles.

Guess what? Version 3.0 was also defeated by the same long neck and tongue as previous models. So, on the recommendation of a friend, I decided to give one of the inflatable collars a go.

This one, in fact. Cost me $40 bucks or so at Pet(not so)Smart. Note the little black strap? It's supposed to be attached to the collar. That feature didn't even last five minutes.

Looks pretty big all inflated, don't it?

Guess what? They don't do squat when they've been aggressively deflated. 10 minutes was all it took him to have that sucker destroyed. The Queen managed to super glue the puncture holes shut, but it was a lost cause at that point.

It was off again in not time. We gave up. Fortunately, he'd healed enough by that point that it was better than even odds that he wouldn't kill himself.

I want my $40 bucks back though. Stupid dogs.

Dear Kong,

My wife and I recently purchased one of your Kong branded dog beds which looked a lot like this one in the store:

It looks comfy. The product information claims it to be double reinforced, twice as strong as regular fabric beds, etc. Lies. All lies. Now, I don't know who or what is testing your products, but they are clearly incompetent. Please allow me to  introduce you to your new product prototype testers:

They may not look like much all cute and snuggly on the loveseat, but this:

is what they are capable of when they set their furry little minds to destruction.

Please contact me to discuss scheduling and compensation for their services.

Sincerely,

Daddy Hawk

Happy Blogiversary To Me

I've been a bit busy, and I let an important milestone slip past without nary a whisper. Behold, back in August, this little corner of the internet turned 10. Imagine my surprise. 

I've been in the process of saving my posts to Word documents for later compilation. Don't ask my why. It seemed like a good idea at this time. In the process, I couldn't help but re-read a lot of what I've written; and, frankly, I'm amazed that some of you have hung on as long as you have. There are the occasional rare gems tucked away here and there, but a lot of what I've written is pretty meh (you may have a differing opinion, and that's fine). 

One of these days, I might just put together a "best of" post to link to some of those gems that some of you late comers might have missed along the way. 

Anyway, thank you to everyone for hanging around. Drop a comment or two once in a while if you are so inclined. No promises, but I'm going to try and kick out more content beyond just funny (to me) memes. There are several posts queued up for this coming week. I hope you enjoy. 

Sunday Funnies

Talk about a news story that just died on the vine. This one got punted to the back page before his body was even cold. 

The one thing that Trump could do to restore my hope in our government is to indict Comey and Hillary. Won't happen in this life though. 

That whole thing stinks. 

Don't care how good it tastes, I'm not drinking from that cup. 

How far does a plane fly with no wings? All the way to the crash site. 

Beef bacon, however, is pretty darn good. 

The scene cut from Empire Strikes Back. 

Feel the hate. Good, good. Let it flow. 

Is it Taco Tuesday yet?

I hope this one is real. It's too good not to be. 

Just say no to catnip.

You just know the desert is full of cat turds. 

Yep. I've seen my share of WTH ?claims. 

Press 1 for English

Sunday Funnies

The only thing wrong with is that there are not three winters in Texas (except maybe Amarillo). Winter is usually on a Thursday.

Have fun storming the castle.

Having grown very rapidly between 5TH and 6TH grade (seriously...over a foot of growth in 1 year) and a metabolism that resulted in not being able to put on any muscle mass, my back and joints have been protesting for the better part of 35 years now. You learn to live with it and adapt.

I could eat brisket pretty much every day. Brisket tacos will be the death of me.

Spiders are allowed to stay in our house as long as they stay in their webs in the corner to keep the fly and mosquito population in check. If they violate this rule by dropping on us from the ceiling, we have a brief interlude of interpretative dance before counseling them on poor life choices and relocating them to the back porch for a time out.

I'm pretty sure this violates Federal law and common sense...I want it.

Can you imagine either Archie Bunker or The Jeffersons airing today?

Awkward.

Tacos are one of the four main food groups. They are essential to a healthy diet.

When sitting in a boat drinking a beer just isn't cutting it anymore.

 I'd fly it.

Nope. No one will know a thing. I'll be faking my death and disappearing.

The French Army tests out its new tactical diapers.

Evil finds a way. Always.

Gotta love dogs. They'll do anything.

This is actually very true.

The struggle is real.

The youngest nephew and his wife just spawned their first tricycle motor. I sent him this.

If you don't get this one, have a young person explain it.

There is absolutely nothing suspicious about Epstein's "suicide". Nothing at all. The rope found around his neck was purely coincidental to the two gunshot wounds to the back of the head and the drug overdose and the HRC monogrammed scarf stuffed in his mount.